…and she still looks nothing like me! GAH!

Still, I can’t deny that my life has changed and I love it despite the ups & downs. For the past seven months, I’ve been privy to how the human mind and body changes, how and what we can be capable of with a child – you can seen examples of men being reduced to nothing at the mere sign of a bubbly baby – and how your marriage can stand the test of so much more. I don’t have much to share compared to many couples out there with two or more children.

Mine is limited to Eva and so forth, she has been a lovely baby; of course she can be sticky and fussy at times but I can still get away with her in the exersaucer, looking for me occasionally while I’m just a few feet away working on a Mesothelioma treatment assignment. I count my blessings all the time and celebrate them in pictorial moments like these. Pictures of her sleeping, eating, smiling…only thing I haven’t taken a shot of is of her pooping!

Seven months on and while the shutter has slowed down (mainly because I’m more busy entertaining here than stepping in front of the camera), I sometimes wonder what goes on in that little mind of hers and if she knows…

…if she knows that she makes my heart melt all the time.

I’m back on the job hunt market and started applying again. I did before Chinese New Year but it wasn’t very aggressive hunting unlike when we were looking for life insurance quotes in Switzerland. Now that February is almost over – I did promise Nil that I would start looking again after Chinese New Year – it’s time to dust off my resume and start…well, hunting.

While part of me is excited about the prospects of going back to work, a HUGE part of me is, well, feeling quite torn and forlorn about the whole thing.

It’s a hard decision to make; in fact, I am very reluctant to do it but we have to because we need the extra cash and well, Eva is old enough, I figured. Still, I can’t help but wonder sometimes if this is a good idea – to leave her in the care of someone who doesn’t know her very well or could subscribe to different caring methods that I do. Then there are things to plan and worry about like how to continue breastfeeding her while putting her on solids that I’ve cooked and so forth.

It is at times like this that I really wish I was into lotteries and Totos, actually buy them, and then actually win them so that I could spend all my time watching my children grow up before my eyes instead of digesting them through someone else. I guess for some of us, you could say that once you are a SAHM, it’s hard to go back to work again.

“Is your baby a boy?”
“Ohno, it’s a girl.”
(short pause)
“Ohhhhhh…so pretty!”

The above conversation often takes place when people catch a glimpse of Eva, be it at the bus station, on the bus or MRT. Most of the time, they get her sex wrong – especially a few weeks back when her hair was much shorter; well, it’s still short compared to before I shaved her!

I love how perplexed or confused some people get when they see Eva, especially when she’s decked out in a blue mesh top and diapers that are in blue. It allows me to challenge the status quo for a few seconds. After all, do baby boys have to dress only in blue and baby girls in pink? Nah, I believe that Eva looks just fab in blue – handsome would be the work – and a boy would too (look fab) in pink.

Then there is this other conversation that always occurs.

“How old ar? Three months?
“Ohno, nearly seven months already!”
“HAR? So small…but hai, girl never mind la. More girly!”

Heh.

I have a funny feeling that if Eva was bigger, they would comment on it as well. Sometimes I get the feeling that a good mother would pump their babies full with weight gain supplements or more milk in order to get them to be ultra big and chubbs. Me? Nah, I’m just your regular mum who is relying on her breastmilk to do the “dirty” job.

Just goes to show that you can’t please everyone! And for good reason too!

Here’s wishing you folks a roaring Tiger year ahead!

Yes, I know I’m late this time with the Chinese New Year wishes but with good reason. I had been away, back in KL busy preparing for the festive celebration while juggling shopping for both Eva and myself – a real fat burner if you ask me. I was hardly napping, always on my toes since Eva needed some readjusting again after the flight and all, not to mention coping with a new environment.

We stocked up on nursing wear and baby food jars (for those fruits/veg that we can’t find here like rhubard, peaches, pears and apricots as well as prunes – even if we could find them, they are usually yucky!). I managed to dig up some Christian devotional books by Max Lucado as well and am gently reminded that spiritually, I’m not in my life journey alone. Nice, really.

Chinese New Year is still on-going but life for us has pretty much gotten back to normal since arriving back in Singapore. I find myself facing the usual challenges – going back to work or not – and I don’t know what to think or decide as of now. We still have a few more days to go till March so perhaps Jobstreet being down and all is a sign. Hm.

Anyway, I’ll be blogging more frequently now – hopefully with reviews and more “meaty” entries on a variety of things. Won’t that be awesome?

…and so is Eva.

We’re both coping just fine although she likes to torture me by not pooping every day. =.=

It’s nice to be able to let go some steam, rant about my life and well, just share what it’s like being a SAHM – it’s not all tai-tai (rich diva-like women) for me. In fact, I’m a far cry from the tai-tai that some women aspire to be when they get married. Facials and shopping are luxuries for me now unlike before when I was working and had the cash to spare. No matter; I prefer to spend the money on Eva. It’s nice shopping for groceries and planning on what to cook/bake even though I can run out of ideas and be all lazy sometimes! I’m planning to bake up a pizza but really, I had no idea that mozzarella was so so pricey here! *grrr* I miss Europe!

I have said and shared many times before about how people view SAHMs here in Asia – many are quite flippant when I share my grouses with them. Partly, I suspect, because they think Nil is on an expat contract. In fact, he isn’t and that shocks many people even his friends. We both don’t need to be reminded about how sucky that (not being on an expat contract) is. Heh. Yet here we are – him working and me staying at home. Ends are still being met regularly and despite our lack of luxuries (includes going for movies and dining out), we’re eating as well as you can eat and living as well as we can. You make adjustments and look for “cheaper” alternatives when you’re on a budget. More often than not, activities that are cheap are also healthier and great for bonding (read: walk in the park).

Y’know, it’s not about getting a listening ear most of the time but more about re-educating people about why some decisions are made in a certain way. I still get a number of people telling me that I should go back to work, I have friends who are torn between old-fashioned financial independence and being there for their new family members…it’s a hard decision to make, easier for some but harder still for others.

Anyway, previous post aside, things got better now that my flu is almost gone. I swear, I’m more patient when I’m not sick, but that’s just logical, no? I’m busy preparing for Chinese New Year – well, sort of. I managed to bake some cookies during the weekend and it was nice to know that I still have my baking touch. *vain* My sewing machine died though; it’s in the repair shop and will only be ready after a week so no sewing for me till after Chinese New Year. A pity as I was looking forward to finishing up a mei tai just for the celebrations.

Eva is beginning to adjust again as well – I reckon it’s either she’s getting used to the pain or I’m getting used to her being demanding! Whatever it may be, the fact that my flu is nearly gone helped with everything. I also got a pleasant surprise in the form of some sales over at my Etsy store and a few orders that I’ve received last week.

So yes, I’m still alive and very busy with my life. Good no?

Yesterday was one of those god-awful crappy days where I question my decision to be a stay-at-home mum with precious little income.

At times, I feel like I’m in school all over again, trying to stretch RM50 for 30 days and even resorting to things like digging out coins to buy lunch. Then with Eva whining and crying in the MRT and bus, people staring at me like I’m torturing her (why can’t I say that it’s actually the other way around?), I was seriously reaching my limit.

Then I took a look at this picture; just before that, Nil gently reminded me about the decision we made as a family unit. The picture made it even clearer.

For her.

I’m doing this for her. WE are doing this for her.

The budget cuts, the lack of expensive meals, the “diets”, the “thinking of new ways to cut cost”, the constant worrying about money, the lack of social independence, the change in our lifestyles…we are doing it for someone else and not just anyone but OUR little one.

Suddenly, everything looked right again.

…was really one of those crappy, “I really hate my life” days.

I’m currently trying to get better from a stupid flu/cold I caught from dirty people here, but because I’m only sleeping around 5 hours a day (no naps) and juggling not only the housechores (cooking, laundry, picking up after messes, washing the toilet, mopping the floor, general cleaning), the grocery shopping AND my shop, I have to contend as well with a pre-teething baby – which means that she is awfully babbling, whiny and cranky to boot. I don’t even have the time to look into franchise opportunities for the shop or some products that I was thinking of bringing in! Gah!

Just to give you an idea of what my day has been like…

I’m up at 7am and busy keeping the laundry, boiling the water, moping the floor, clearing the kitchen and some of the stuff in the sink.

I go online to check my mails and do the usual and she starts babbling on the top of her voice, asking to be out. This is at 9am.

After a feed, I try to get her to play on her own. No way in hell. She babbles, whines and cries – carrying her is the only way to shut her up. So we left for some window shopping at 10am. She falls asleep on the bus but wakes up halfway, sometime around 1130am.

I decide to make the trip back and we arrive home at around 1230 noon after doing some shopping for lunch and dinner. After her lunch, a bath and a change, she is napping at 130pm in her room. I have my lunch and then set about preparing for tonight’s dinner. By the time I’m done, it’s 2pm. I work on an order, hoping to get a snooze around 230pm but by the time I want to get to it, she’s already up.

It’s 3pm and after some playing, it’s time for the next feed at nearly 4pm. After that, she just babbles and whines non-stop. The swing doesn’t help. Playing only works for a few minutes. I tell her to go sleep and what-not, and she bursts out into tears. So off we went into the crib and I turn on the aircon. Doesn’t really work…she’s still babbling and whining.

It’s 5:30pm and I decided that I just had about enough, so off we went again for some window shopping. She nearly falls asleep on the bus but didn’t. I met up with Nil at around 7pm at the shopping mall and we arrived home at around 8pm. After her dinner, and a quick wipe down, she’s in her crib and snoozing away.

Me? I’m still up and having to work on dinner and then an order plus this entry. I won’t go to bed until it’s nearly midnight.

So really, whoever thought that I live an easy, carefree life should switch shoes with me. And honestly, I do NOT appreciate remarks like how I should do more to keep my house clean so that my hubby comes home to a clean and comfy home. If he wants that, he should get a maid. I’m already doing more than my fair share.

Someone turns six month old today and how did we celebrate (well, we are sort of still celebrating!)?

She loves going out for walks, bus rides and such so we headed off in search of some keropok lekor and playmats in the township nearby. No luck finding either one, but Eva did get all pretty excited from the bus rides and staring at people.

Then we came back in time for lunch and today’s new food is broccoli so it was some barley mixed in with broccoli and plum purée for her, and nasi padang for me. As disgusting as the mixture sounds, she enjoyed it and finished the whole bowl. It was then bath time and a nice finish to the morning/afternoon came in the form of her usual afternoon nap.

After a look at some tretinoin gel reviews and a short nap for myself, I woke up to find her in the above position about two and a half hours later. She was busy staring at the wind chime hanging from her room window. How time flies…

* Cross-posted on the baby blog *