That was Eva last year singing Old McDonald to my father-in-law!

I reckon she loves music and is fascinated with nursery rhymes, singing and such. Sometimes I find her humming a tune while she’s busy on the potty. Perhaps I should dig out the xylophone again and see if she’s fascinated with it as she is with vocals. There was one point a few weeks back when I was tempted to get a piano or T-Rex Engineering Guitars to toy with. Hm. Maybe I can relook at this “want”.

<3

If there was ever a picture that I would blow up, gaze at every day without getting bored, this would be it.

…that isn’t about baking, cooking, knitting, dyeing, sewing or spinning.

(Phew, I sure have a lot of hobbies!)

Yup, that’s my son who decided to show up two months before his due date and on a very memorable date too – September 11. Never mind that he shares his birthday with hundreds of other dead people from the NY terrorist attacks (whether it was terrorists or not, I’ll leave that up to conspiracy theorists to decide). More importantly, he shares his birthday with us.

Nil and I first met on September 11 at a train station called Pasar Seni in Kuala Lumpur. It was a Saturday and now, exactly seven years laters (I think – when it comes to dates, my memory is quite fuzzy), we celebrate that day with the showing of our 32 week old!

Being mum to a preemie isn’t easy – you struggle with the guilt, the “emptiness” that surrounds you (you have a baby crib but no baby, you have a baby but nothing tangible to remind you of him/her like their cries, soiled diapers, etc), you have breast milk but it’s a pump that greets you and not a baby, etc) and the constant hospital trips. Sometimes it’s downright depressing but I like to keep my spirits up and focus on the positive side of things.

And these are…

He is gaining weight, he is learning to suckle and latch on and the nurses all love him because he’s such a tranquil baby.

So yeah, normally my FOs are always late or overdue…but this time, it came early and well, caught us by surprise. No matter…at least all is well. *grin* Now, let me go back to my reviews and assignments. I have one on Christmas Cards coming up!

More on the birth story here.

I must be clear – I have always, always…from the moment I discovered that I was pregnant, considered myself a mother first before anything else. To me, my full time job is as a mother and not a worker. But y’d think that after one year of life as a working mother, I’d be fine with it – fine with the fact that my daughter spends most of her waking hours with another person, fine with the fact that I don’t and won’t have much control of what she picks up or learns from that person…

But no.

This week, my office moved and in a way, so did I. I went from spending twenty minutes travelling to and fro work to at least a good forty minutes. This morning, I left the house before Eva woke up. I watch her sleep, carress the hair off her face as she stirred a little and went back to sleeping again. And then I said goodbye, somewhat reluctantly. Chances are for the evenings, I’ll be back a good thirty minutes later. Many of my peers seem to be accepting of such a change but me? I actually felt miserable, so miserable that I spend three nights last week crying and wishing that I could be a stay-at-home mum (SAHM) again. I still feel miserable.

I really hate to accept the fact that my home is now like a hotel more than a home to my daughter, that I only spend less than 35 hours a week with her but more at the office…

Many people tell me that my daughter will still know who I am – the mother – and that sooner or later, I have to cut the apron strings but really, this has precious little to do with that. It has everything to do with how *I* see motherhood and parenting. No offense intended to many parents out there – we have to deal with our own little unique circumstances. For me, I want to be a proactive mother who is there every step of the way in my child’s formative years. To me, the early years are important in establishing not just good eating habits but also strength in character and personality. I don’t like to leave things to “fate” or “they’ll learn it as they get older” – to me, that’s just not good enough.

Sadly, in our culture here, we don’t really support proactive parenting – flexible working hours for industries like mine are not common so lets not even talking about things like coming to work three days in a week. The excuse is that people won’t be productive or worse, some people might abuse the system. We don’t provide enough incentive or benefits to parents, and when we do, single people complain that they are being left out. Honestly, do you think parenthood is the same as being single? How many parents out there can profess to be able to do anything and everything they like without a care in the world or come back in the wee hours of the morning every day?

I haven’t been able to share this openly until now because of existing stereotypical beliefs about the SAHM – that they are uneducated, ignorant, out of touch with the world, are sponging off their spouses, living a life of luxury which is typical of a tai tai and so forth. When I went back to work, the same people try to get me to pass off my duties as a parent to them with the excuse that this is the Asian way of parenting – being a weekend parent, “it’s the duty of the grandmother to take care of the grandchild full time”, so forth. Being a weekend parent, having your parents take care of your child, those are not the Asian way of parenting. It’s just what some people think parenting should be. I wish people didn’t confuse cultural traditions with their own personal beliefs or practices.

For now, I’ll just have to bear with things – and people say that going back to work is fun. Heh.

…is a good due date. Don’t you think so?

For more details, check out our latest exciting news here.

Many mums out there will tell you that those few early years with a toddler is a time peppered with lots of wanted patience, silent frustration and quick weight loss alternatives. You learn to…

…grow eyes at the back of your head,
…sharpened your instincts so that you know trouble is just around the corner when your little bub is silent for more than a minute,
…negotiate and sometimes it can be as if your little bub is a terrorist and unyielding.
…develop a thick skin and that stony face during public episodes of tantrum throwing.
…juggle a family on top of “me” time and if you’re like me, “shop” (own business) time.
…let go and trust that your baby will be back to you when s/he needs you.

Eva is becoming more independent as the days go by, sometimes faster than her 15 month old body can take. In a month, she went from supported walking to unsupported brisk walking and would refuse to hold our hands. She likes to do things her own way sometimes and insist on it to the point where she’d throw a tantrum just to get what she wants. Do we give in? On the contrary. We draw the line between “it’s okay to be yourself” to “it’s not okay to be yourself and get hurt in the process”. Occasionally, I let go, trusts that my daughter knows her limits and come out pleasantly surprised at the knowledge that she does. Often, if she has had enough of playing, walking and climbing, she’d tell us that she wants to go home and wind down for the morning/afternoon/night.

She has her own little agenda, but that’s just it – life with a toddler is never quite boring or the same daily.

Before people here think that having a child in a home is akin to being in a death trap, it’s not. Babyproofing is one thing, training and disciplining your child is another. I have wires and electrical sockets running around free and Eva knows very well that touching them means Mummy is going to scold her and she doesn’t like being scolded. So she stays away from the “no-no” which are wires, sockets, drawers and cabinets.

But now that she’s walking, stumbling and falling are pretty much out of her control. So we’ve decided to babyproof our coffee table and low furniture by using corner protectors. Babyproofing is not like stocking up on Polaris Accessories for your car but more on the simple matter of moving things that are dangerous (eg, can lead to choking, hurt fingers, etc) up and off the ground by 12 inches or more, stashing away cleaning agents, curving off sharp corners and well, make sure that those little curious fingers don’t get caught in door hinges and etc.

It’s that phase in life that every parent goes through and after a while, it’ll be quickly replaced by another. For now, babyproofing is IN!