One of the recent scandals making waves is Malaysia – and has been – is the story of the enticement of Daphne Iking. While it didn’t involved Daphne directly, the lawsuit between her ex-husband and former lover has gotten her hip-deep involved as well. It doesn’t help that the details are juicy to boot.
A woman sleeping with three men at the same time, married one of them and continued sleeping with another who is also married. The one she married found out, sue the beejeezuz out of the lover and then lo and behold, both discovered that the woman had another lover who is probably the father of the baby she had!
Along the way, many people have thrown verbal stones at Daphne, more than Ryan or Darren and some step forward to become champions in the name of feminism. The way I look at it, this case has nothing to do with feminism. I do agree that the enticement law under the Penal Code is archaic and sexist but that still doesn’t negate the fact that she broke a contract. Yes, a marriage is a contract of monogamy between two people – just because you don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. When I married Nil, I made a vow to be faithful and so did he, so I don’t know how people came to the conclusion that this vow of monogamy linked to a marriage (and may I add, a relationship) is a delusion. Unless Daphne and her ex-husband had agreed to an open marriage, which everyone knows, is not the case, then marriage is an agreement where both parties are to remain faithful and monogamous.
Now the trouble arises when people go against the contract and hide the truth from each other.
One commentary mentioned something along the lines of how Daphne has been making mistakes. This reminded me of Samantha’s remark regarding bad sex, “F*** me badly once, shame on you, f*** me badly twice, shame on me”. While it’s not the same thing, it does highlight one thing – When does a mistake stop becoming a genuine mistake and end up more as a habit or just a convenient excuse? If one cheats in an exam the first time, fine, people are forgiving – harsh but they’ll still be rather forgiving and excuse it to things like immaturity, lack of reflection and youth. But the second and third time? Can those excuses still be valid?
Yes, what these men and this woman do in private may be none of my business but it makes for a good lesson in sociology plus a chance to reflect on our own values and principles. I will be honest – I am not tolerant of a cheater (man or woman). This is coloured from observation, family history and just upbringing. I have seen what third parties and affairs have done to people and children; and I don’t understand the rationale behind the whole “it’s their own business” or the “I’m living for the day”. Affairs affect not just the people directly involved but family members, especially children. It can affect friends as well. The whole living for the day just points to a lack of concern for oneself.
Having said that, I don’t understand the concept of cheating.If you must sleep around, why be in a monogamous relationship? Also, it is, sad to see, that only the woman is being judged by many people based on the colourful bits of her sex life. No one is certainly labelling Ryan or Darren as cheaters and male versions of the “slut” – now, why isn’t there an English equivalent to that word? I guess this is what happens when we live in a patriachal society. The thing is that in a quest to champion the woman, some have failed to understand that those of us who are intolerant of this case are so because of one thing – cheating and lying, irrespective of who did it to who. If this was a man and the lovers and ex-es in question were women, I’d throw the same freaking fuss as well – remember Tiger Woods, anyone?
Personally, it isn’t the sex life that bothered me. It is the fact that she didn’t see that she was wrong or that she had a role to play in this fiasco. It is the fact that due to her and her bed partner’s actions, everyone else related to them have to be the victims – the baby she had, loved ones like Darren’s wife and family, so forth.