When I was a singleton (read: married with no kids/still dating), Mother’s Day was a day that we celebrated because it just seemed wrong to do so. We went through the motions of buying gifts like hand dryers or going out for dinner for my mum; maybe even take over the housechores or go all out to be ultra nice. The real trials and tribulations of being a mum was never really understood, accepted or truly appreciated.

Sure, I appreciate my mum BUT it’s just words that most of us say.

Until we ourselves become mothers.

A cousin of mine is celebrating Mother’s Day mostly at the hospital – she gave birth earlier than usual and her baby battled a first few days in NICU before she was moved to the ward but she isn’t out of the hospital and my cousin spends the first couple of weeks of motherhood in the hospital, surrounded by nurses, doctors and a little baby who has a tube sticking out of her. Talk about a rocky start.

Not all of us are so fortunate to be celebrating Mother’s Day with that one particular family member. I know of friends who have lost their own mothers to accidents, sickness (mostly cancer) and old age. For them, motherhood is about being touched by someone who has seen them through it all but not everything, and today, it is about remembering that someone and the love that she gave.

For new mothers like myself, we take stock of how far we have become yet depending on our circumstance, are unable to celebrate. In my case, I’m at home alone with this laptop and watching Lilo & Stitch with a teething half-naked napping-in-her-room baby who has no idea that Mother’s Day is today yet for the most part, I am okay with not being drowned in good wishes or gifts. A smile, a laugh is good enough, especially if you’re a full-time working mother.

That’s actually how it is in reality for many mothers – new and jaded, young and all. Mother’s Day is an every day affair for us – remembering the ups and downs of being a mum, being enchanted/annoyed/entranced by the antics of our babies and telling ourselves AND really believing that despite it all, being a mum is something we would NEVER give up or change. It is a journey that we celebrate on a daily basis.

So instead of celebrating motherhood just today, take the time out to reflect on the journey you have taken as a mother AND the journey your mum has taken. Afterwhich, make Mother’s Day an every day affair. Mothers everywhere need the appreciation and encouragement every day, not just today.

For the sake of posterity, Happy Mother’s Day!

One of my dreams – before marriage and a baby came into the picture – was that I go back to school after a couple of years of working to get a PhD in either Sociology or Cultural Studies.

Before I met Nil, I had actually thought of going to the US but somehow my idea was dampened by the fact that I would have to go through GMAT prep courses and sit for the paper in order to be considered as an applicant. At one point, I was really serious about it – I went around buying reference materials, sample exam papers and well, I slogged for it.

Then somehow, after meeting Nil and as our relationship got serious, the idea seemed a little bit irrelevant – more so when I went into publishing. Even when I went back to teaching again, I didn’t really consider a PhD because of the possibility of us starting a family in Europe. I didn’t want to start a PhD with lecturers I knew and were on friendly terms only to uproot and do it abroad. Of course you could do a PhD anywhere in Europe but the big question is what would you do with it after you’ve got it?

In France, it’s hard to get into the teaching line, especially if you want to be a university professor – which is what PhD holders would normally do. I wouldn’t mind going to other parts of Europe but somehow, I wonder if a Asian “young” scholar in Cultural Studies would be able to find a job there. So again, the idea was pushed aside.

And Eva showed up.

Needless to say, my PhD dreams seem to be quite a far distance away, but there is this little naggy part inside of me that is itching for a shot at it even though it won’t be any time soon. Then again, how many people out there are willing to give up a high paying job for a life as a postgrad student and mother as well? O’well…I don’t dare declare that it is a dream that I have long given up on. So we’ll see. Time will tell if I do end up going back to school.