One of my dreams – before marriage and a baby came into the picture – was that I go back to school after a couple of years of working to get a PhD in either Sociology or Cultural Studies.

Before I met Nil, I had actually thought of going to the US but somehow my idea was dampened by the fact that I would have to go through GMAT prep courses and sit for the paper in order to be considered as an applicant. At one point, I was really serious about it – I went around buying reference materials, sample exam papers and well, I slogged for it.

Then somehow, after meeting Nil and as our relationship got serious, the idea seemed a little bit irrelevant – more so when I went into publishing. Even when I went back to teaching again, I didn’t really consider a PhD because of the possibility of us starting a family in Europe. I didn’t want to start a PhD with lecturers I knew and were on friendly terms only to uproot and do it abroad. Of course you could do a PhD anywhere in Europe but the big question is what would you do with it after you’ve got it?

In France, it’s hard to get into the teaching line, especially if you want to be a university professor – which is what PhD holders would normally do. I wouldn’t mind going to other parts of Europe but somehow, I wonder if a Asian “young” scholar in Cultural Studies would be able to find a job there. So again, the idea was pushed aside.

And Eva showed up.

Needless to say, my PhD dreams seem to be quite a far distance away, but there is this little naggy part inside of me that is itching for a shot at it even though it won’t be any time soon. Then again, how many people out there are willing to give up a high paying job for a life as a postgrad student and mother as well? O’well…I don’t dare declare that it is a dream that I have long given up on. So we’ll see. Time will tell if I do end up going back to school.