Rais Yatim, Malaysia’s Information, Communication and Culture Minister recently made several comments regarding mixed marriages, in light of Malaysian actress Maya Karin’s failing marriage to an Italian. Among some of the things that he mentioned were this:
In response, Information, Communication and Culture Minister, Rais Yatim has cautioned that young people should think “a thousand times” before committing to such onions.
The minister cautioned that incidents of marriage breakups involving Caucasians (coloquially referred to as mat salleh) happened more frequently, as compared to thove involving other ethnics group.
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When asked about the recent split between local celebrity and star of Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam, Maya Karin, 31 and her Italian husband, Steven David Shorthouse, 41, Rais said they had only been “in love” and were to blame for not considering their cultural differences.
According to the Malaysian Mirror, he went on further to say that “the reality is that those who want to go into mixed marriages have a lot of obstables [sic] to go through. Marriage failures are due to cultural and religious differences as well as the upbringing they go in their respective countries.”
“Most of the marriages are a result of ‘short-term love affairs’ that survive for a brief period before each of the spouses go back to the cultural and religious beliefs they grew up with.”
Rais continues to caution about the legalities of such issues.
“It’s not that simple to get a Malaysian citizenship. In this sense, it is easier if it involves a foreign woman marrying a Malaysian man than otherwise.”
“This is because the status of citizenship, under Section 16 and 17 of the Federal Constitution, is based on the paternal consideration not maternal.”
“What more, if the couple has a child or children. The father is likely to ‘snatch away’ the kids to England or Europe, for instance.”
“It is, perhaps, better for those involved in mixed marriages not to have children.”
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The full article is available here.
Rais Yatim is right to a degree. Mixed marriages are a lot of work, especially more so if it is between an European/Westerner and an Asian – not only are they different ethnically, but the environment they grew up in are starkly different. By environment, we not only refer to the living conditions BUT the social and communal practices.
BUT it doesn’t mean that a mixed marriage is doom to fail the moment it begins. It just means that the effort you put into your marriage is different from those in non-mixed marriages.
Looking at the article, I resent the following implications:
- Marrying an angmoh means that my love is “short-term” and I’m only interested in a fling.
- Angmohs steal away children and are inconsiderate towards their partners or former partners.
- Malaysian women who want things easier should stick to marrying Malaysian men while our male peers can go ahead and marry foreign women.
Marriage is a serious thing and irrespective of who you are marrying, people do think long and hard about it – “a thousand times” were the words he used. Many go for premarital courses OR those who don’t, talk things through. It’s not the same as shopping or buying stuff like industrial products. Also, no one gets married with the intention of divorcing. That’s just being silly. Everyone whom I know who is married works doubly hard at making their marriage work, especially those whose parents are divorced – the last thing they want is for history to repeat itself.
As for “stealing children”, Malaysian men are capable of that – Chinese, Malay, Indian or otherwise – and they sure as hell can be inconsiderate towards their partners. I have lost count of the number of stories I have heard of spousal abuse, marital rape, unfair judgements at divorce trials, fathers skipping out on alimony and child support, and so forth. In fact, one of the reasons why some women marry angmohs is because they are more likely to garner equal status and treatment in a marriage then they would if they had married someone from their own race (NOTE that I said some and not all). Bad, inconsiderate men exist in all cultures, just as how good and God-fearing men exist in all cultures too. No need for white-washing here.
With regards to “easier” and “choice”, instead of telling women to stick to the status quo when there is something wrong with it, how about considering a change to the darn constitution? In one sentence, Rais Yatim confirmed what I have been trying to get across to many women out there – Malaysia is not female-friendly at all. By stating that our citizenship rights are only based on paternal consideration, we tell female citizens that they are not as important as men and that ultimately, it’s better to be a man. Shouldn’t a citizen be given equal rights and opportunities irrespective of sex? Apparently not in Malaysia.
I do believe that many Malaysian women out there who choose to date angmohs, let alone marry one, think long and hard about their decision. It is not as if you don’t face any “judgement” while you’re dating one. I’ve been thought of as a gold digger, a hooker and so forth, and this is by other Malaysians. Sad to say, we are a really judgemental and ignorant bunch. Unfortunately, the people in leadership positions like the Minister of Culture is the same – for all his title may say, he is certainly not very informed or ‘cultured’.
