The latest hot news – entertainment-wise, that is – in Singapore is the scandal involving Jack Neo, his marriage and his (ex?) mistress. When his mistress showed up at his home for a final showdown involving his wife and himself, little did Neo realize that the entire Singapore would later spend the next few days talking about his escapades with the 22-year old Wendy Chong. Now, it would seem that his “sewing his wild oats outside the marital bed” has gone beyond Chong; numerous women have come forward alleging that he either tried to pick them up or used his position as a prominent director and producer of films in Singapore to solicit these women.

Now, whatever Neo chooses to do with his marriage, and so forth is really none of our business but what piques me is the startling difference in the opinion many Singaporeans have taken with regards to him cheating on his marriage, and the age-old question: who is to blame.

According to a random street poll done by Shin Min here in Singapore, the Straits Time reported that:

…70 per cent of the women surveyed said they thought he should not be easily forgiven for his extra-marital affairs… In stark contrast, 75 per cent of the men polled said he should be forgiven, although fewer than half felt he should take the most responsibility for his affairs. Many blamed both Neo and his mistress, Chong.

Some even said Neo’s wife, Madam Irene Kng, 46, should also bear part of the blame too for ‘closing an eye’ on his affairs.

In some forums, some Singaporeans are saying that some men who were interviewed by the daily were saying that it was not wrong for Neo to cheat on his wife. These same Singaporeans are also angry over the fact that Neo is setting a bad example for his children, especially his sons, by making the matter public and using his wife in a press conference as a shield and diversion. One update by one forum goer was that Neo had intended to apologize to his wife but stopped when she walked away from him. She was perplexed by what she read. Indeed.

Looking at the statistics of the poll, I wonder if the results and sentiments shared by these individuals would be the same IF Neo was a woman who was caught cheating on her husband with a younger man; read: would men be more inclined to forgive if their wives cheated on them? Going back to Jack, would he still show up at his wife’s press conference and talk about forgiving her, etc OR would he stage a sit-in protest by refusing to make any comments or a public appearance by her side? Food for thought, definitely.

As for the young ladies who are all claiming to be either sexually harassed by or involved with Neo, it would seem that their timing and means of “coming forward” is perfect – for them at least. With each new “story”, there is more publicity generated over Neo’s numerous marital misconducts. After all, like they said in the field of public relations, bad publicity is better than no publicity. Shaming him, exacting revenge and so forth – all that is just a bonus.

My take on whose the blame? Well, all of them are – none more than the other. Neo was unfortunate to tangle with the wrong woman – evidently, the young Miss Chong wasn’t about to go away quietly while Neo continued on his merry way. Still, cheating on your spouse is wrong and so is helping someone cheat on their spouse. I still don’t understand why women want to demean themselves by going out with a married man. After all, do they honestly believe that he will leave his wife? Do they think that he won’t do the same (cheat) on them? There is a saying – “If he can cheat on his wife with you, he can cheat on you”. Hai.

Now, should Neo be forgiven? Well, if I were his wife, no. I take the sanctity of my marriage very seriously and if I have to resort to cheating on my partner to get some fulfilment out of my emotional self, then I should do it as a divorcee. After all, this is not just about our individual values but what our children will learn from things like this. One can only hope that Neo’s sons and daughter grow up NOT thinking that it’s okay to cheat on their spouses and be forgiven so easily; that it’s okay to go out with a married person and break up someone’s family; that third parties are victims – sorry, but the real victims in this situation are the children, not the wife, the husband OR the mistress.

By the way, did you know that Neo plans to make a movie about this? Personally, I’d rather he spend the time and energy into saving and rebuilding his marriage.