Rais Yatim, Malaysia’s Information, Communication and Culture Minister recently made several comments regarding mixed marriages, in light of Malaysian actress Maya Karin’s failing marriage to an Italian. Among some of the things that he mentioned were this:
In response, Information, Communication and Culture Minister, Rais Yatim has cautioned that young people should think “a thousand times” before committing to such onions.
The minister cautioned that incidents of marriage breakups involving Caucasians (coloquially referred to as mat salleh) happened more frequently, as compared to thove involving other ethnics group.
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When asked about the recent split between local celebrity and star of Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam, Maya Karin, 31 and her Italian husband, Steven David Shorthouse, 41, Rais said they had only been “in love” and were to blame for not considering their cultural differences.
According to the Malaysian Mirror, he went on further to say that “the reality is that those who want to go into mixed marriages have a lot of obstables [sic] to go through. Marriage failures are due to cultural and religious differences as well as the upbringing they go in their respective countries.”
“Most of the marriages are a result of ‘short-term love affairs’ that survive for a brief period before each of the spouses go back to the cultural and religious beliefs they grew up with.”
Rais continues to caution about the legalities of such issues.
“It’s not that simple to get a Malaysian citizenship. In this sense, it is easier if it involves a foreign woman marrying a Malaysian man than otherwise.”
“This is because the status of citizenship, under Section 16 and 17 of the Federal Constitution, is based on the paternal consideration not maternal.”
“What more, if the couple has a child or children. The father is likely to ‘snatch away’ the kids to England or Europe, for instance.”
“It is, perhaps, better for those involved in mixed marriages not to have children.”
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The full article is available here.
Rais Yatim is right to a degree. Mixed marriages are a lot of work, especially more so if it is between an European/Westerner and an Asian – not only are they different ethnically, but the environment they grew up in are starkly different. By environment, we not only refer to the living conditions BUT the social and communal practices.
BUT it doesn’t mean that a mixed marriage is doom to fail the moment it begins. It just means that the effort you put into your marriage is different from those in non-mixed marriages.
Looking at the article, I resent the following implications:
- Marrying an angmoh means that my love is “short-term” and I’m only interested in a fling.
- Angmohs steal away children and are inconsiderate towards their partners or former partners.
- Malaysian women who want things easier should stick to marrying Malaysian men while our male peers can go ahead and marry foreign women.
Marriage is a serious thing and irrespective of who you are marrying, people do think long and hard about it – “a thousand times” were the words he used. Many go for premarital courses OR those who don’t, talk things through. It’s not the same as shopping or buying stuff like industrial products. Also, no one gets married with the intention of divorcing. That’s just being silly. Everyone whom I know who is married works doubly hard at making their marriage work, especially those whose parents are divorced – the last thing they want is for history to repeat itself.
As for “stealing children”, Malaysian men are capable of that – Chinese, Malay, Indian or otherwise – and they sure as hell can be inconsiderate towards their partners. I have lost count of the number of stories I have heard of spousal abuse, marital rape, unfair judgements at divorce trials, fathers skipping out on alimony and child support, and so forth. In fact, one of the reasons why some women marry angmohs is because they are more likely to garner equal status and treatment in a marriage then they would if they had married someone from their own race (NOTE that I said some and not all). Bad, inconsiderate men exist in all cultures, just as how good and God-fearing men exist in all cultures too. No need for white-washing here.
With regards to “easier” and “choice”, instead of telling women to stick to the status quo when there is something wrong with it, how about considering a change to the darn constitution? In one sentence, Rais Yatim confirmed what I have been trying to get across to many women out there – Malaysia is not female-friendly at all. By stating that our citizenship rights are only based on paternal consideration, we tell female citizens that they are not as important as men and that ultimately, it’s better to be a man. Shouldn’t a citizen be given equal rights and opportunities irrespective of sex? Apparently not in Malaysia.
I do believe that many Malaysian women out there who choose to date angmohs, let alone marry one, think long and hard about their decision. It is not as if you don’t face any “judgement” while you’re dating one. I’ve been thought of as a gold digger, a hooker and so forth, and this is by other Malaysians. Sad to say, we are a really judgemental and ignorant bunch. Unfortunately, the people in leadership positions like the Minister of Culture is the same – for all his title may say, he is certainly not very informed or ‘cultured’.
Rais can easily be accused of being a racist from his discriminatory remarks contained in the article….honestly, in this day and age how can someone be so stereotypical ?! My husband and I have been married for 10 years and 3 children later are still very much together especially being away from both our families have brought us that much closer as we rely more on each other. And pleaselah, in the spirit of being stereotypical, malaysian men don’t help with household chores !!!! *ROFLOL*
I totally disagree with Alie comment posted on 9 March. In her last sentence, she mention that Malaysian men don’t help with household chores. Please lah, open your eyes wider and look around. I am single living alone in a double storey house and do the house chores all by myself and the cleanliness of my house always surprised any visitors or friends whom hardly or never believe my house chore is done by myself (taken into cnsideration that my right arm was disabled and I do all things with only my left arm). I have a close friend who lived near my neighbourhood and he did all the house chores while his wife never lay a finger in their house. I m not trying to be sexism here, I just wanna stress that after all we are all human beings and everybody is equal.
Mabel Reply:
March 9th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Desmond, Alie was trying to “reinforce” how stereotypical Rais was by mimicking him. It was sarcasm at work and not to be taken seriously.
Jodoh itu ditangan Tuhan. Kahwin cerai ditentukan oleh-Nya. Perkahwinan dengan orang luar lebih “sensasi” pasal tak ramai yang buat, sebab tu lebih menjadi tumpuan orang ramai, lebih-lebih lagi kalau yang berkahwin itu artis. Dato’ lain kali komen tu, biarlah yang logik sikit. Jangan sebab isu ini nanti, dato’ kena kritik pulak~
That is so kuno.
Love see no colours. It is wrong to assume that any marriages to foreigners or people of other ethnic origins will be doomed. It is a simple question, but answered with such insensitive remarks. There are many failed marriages between Malay and Malay, Chinese and Chinese, etc. You do not see him commenting on those? It takes more than just racial differences to break a marriage. He should know better.
Plus, to emphasize on the paternal system in Malaysia is quite a bad publicity on Malaysia’s policy. Imagine how many countries out there who does not want to even lose its people by extending the rights of citizenship to any child born to any Malaysian parent (if either one of the parents are Malaysian). Instead, the country is ousting out children of Malaysians. Who cares if it is the woman or the man who married a foreigner. The bottomline is, he or she is still a Malaysian and has the right to extend the citizenship rights to the offsprings, and it is up to the child whether to honor the rights or not.
I have that problem myself when my husband is not even orang putih. I love my country enough to want to share it with my child. I want him to experience the life and learn the language. The policy made it quite difficult. My child has to follow the father’s citizenship. So now, my child cannot inherit my rights and heritages as a Malaysian.
Kahwin capur tu tak ada masalah, saya sudah berkahwin dengan wanita Thai 25 tahun lamanya.. tak ada apa pun yang bermasalah. Yang ada hanya hubungan antara seorang lelaki dan wanita…
no one wants to get married and end up getting divorced. i believe there are many successful and happily mixed marriage out there..
the article is only show one side of d story.yea culture has nothing to do with this if u dont really care about culture. each way should be treated equally. we can never generalise.
the article is only shows the “UGLY SIDE’ of da mixed marriage.. and of course i am totally agree with everyone here that no one is hoping for bad relationship or end up getting divorce after few years. as muslim, we have to believe that “faith” and “destiny” is already written by Allah. is funny, where people only take a bit part from the quran and hadist as they think are relevants and ignore the other parts of it. as so many example you can see everyday from the local newspaper (especially on da topic of poligamy).
the minister of course, should not simply adressed the issue blindly. to all the journalist or reporter.. pls find something useful to write.. where is the other side of mixed marriage?? reckon 8 out of 10 are happy but no one cares.
maya karim is only example.. not all of our life story gona be the same. marrying born muslim but not practising the reigion is more ENCOURAGABLE AND BETTER than marrying a converted guy who understand about islam and adore the religion. oh god! the world is up side down. culture and religion is not the same.. seem we are all confused which is which.
Go and do a compatibility test using vedic astrology before marriage from a professional vedic astrologer. Learn and understand this science. Has a lot of meaning and is very , very helpful.There are 10 different compatibilities involved. The dates and times of birth of each person will determine the astrological charts of the individuals from which the compatibilities can be determined and see if they match.Out of the 10, if you can achieve 60% compatibility and above including the important compatibilities, you will have a good marriage. The principle behind this is that, different individuals are in different stages of evolution of their souls and can only be matched best if their different evolution stages are close or similar .For example, a person who has a lower evolution due to past lives’ bad deeds cannot be compatibility with another person with a higher evolution. As a simple analogy, on the physical plane in this living world, different species of living things are at different stages of evolution also in the history of time.Humans are the highest form of evolution. Even in the animal kingdom,can you match a cat with a dog? Both are animals but of different evolution. Likewise, in the human being species, different humans are in different stages of evolution as a result of the Law of Action and Reaction over different life times.Hence, it does not matter which race one marries, so long as their souls are compatible.
It shows the mentality of our Malaysian politicians. Very shallow and idiotic. I am very surprised that he did not correlate that the global warming is due to mixed marriages as well!
i have many friends who tend to fall for mat salleh. they are young girls and the look for older mat salleh. for what? money of course. semua orang nak hidup senang, but they look for short cuts. these young girls will definitely, ‘give themselves’ to those mat salleh, some get pregnant and persuade the mat salleh to marry them. its not love, jodoh or whatsoever. its being selfish and cheap and memalukan malaysian. in the end, rata-rata their marriages will not last, cerai sana, cerai sini. in some cases, after the girl has given birth, the mat salleh will go back to his normal life. his culture and buat tak tahu towards the girl. it is not easy to maintain a happy, loving marriage, to anyone out there. but marrying foreigner will be riskier. those cases are only happened to my circle of friends, not all mat salleh out are bad. some that i have met, are very fatherly, polite, gentle towards their wives and children. so people, there’s nothing wrong who you are marrying with, as long as its LOVE. able to take care of each other and plan to have a happy family.
hi to all here..
Don’t mean to interfere but i believe what Rais really means is Islam women marrying other man from any religions It’s not reccommended but it’s not forbidden at all.. So that statement is from an Islamic Politician view..merely a view from a person who practice Islam as a belief & a way of life.If u want a larger view, go & ask around from non-islamic leaders & see what have they gotta say?
Just a Hunch
Mabel Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Hm, if he really meant to refer to Muslim women, then why not just say so instead of generalizing. Even then, if a foreign man is willing to convert to Islam to be with someone and many don’t make that decision lightly, I do believe that his intentions are genuine and not just done because he’s “in love”.
Sorry but Rais Yatim should first and foremost be seen as a politician not a religious champion. That duty falls to the kadis and other Muslim religious figureheads in the country. I suppose that is one of the fallbacks about politics in Malaysia – it is too intertwined with religion.
It does not matter how u get married, what race or religion u get married to. What matters most is WHO YOU GET MARRIED TO… Does it matter if he’s a “mat salleh”?? I dont think so!! The compatibility of each other is what matters the most, the personality of the person, the persons character, attitude etc etc. IF you have a proper understanding between each other, LOVE and etc etc…YES you should make your decision wisely before you commit yourself, you should make your decision after thinking a million times(because its your life,how its going to be and its your future that is at risk if you cant think!!). BUT, race or religion should not be problem at all!!
RAIS YATIM mentioned this, “What more, if the couple has a child or children. The father is likely to ’snatch away’ the kids to England or Europe, for instance.” MY comment on this, is that, WHY would the father want to snatch the kids away to England or Europe? IF Malaysia allows(or legalize) mixed marriages, would all at the above matters at all??
I am an East Malaysian of mixed parentage and was married to a Malay West Malaysian. My marriage failed simply because my ex was a womaniser and abuser who didn’t respect the holy matrimony of marriage. Some of my friend said that it is because he is a Malay. I dare to differ. Some of my friend who are also divorced was married to either their own race or non Malays. Its not the religion but the person himself/herself. lets not blame the culture or the religion. A lot of other factors contribute to failed marriages.
Marriage is hardwork where you have to know that you are not living for yourself but your wife and vice versa. Give and it shall be given unto you. The giving must come from the heart .
It’s so sad to hear such a comment from someone who’re well respected in community. Why evryone is blaming the mixed marriages institution? I have to agree with san, “love sees no colors”. Perhaps it is not the institution of mixed marriage that is the problem, but we are the problem. Instead of pointing fingers at mixed marriage, we should direct the blame at ourselves. We are the only ones who can really keep or break the commitments we make, not circumstances or family history.
Mabel Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
That’s the thing – circumstances, family history, culture, environment, laws, religion, etc may all affect who we are essentially but at the end of the day, it boils down to one thing – do you want to save your marriage or not? If you don’t, nothing or anyone is going to change that.
That’s the point of being a politician.They generalized a lot in order to avoid specific subjects. There’s no problem with that.Marrying someone because u love em is good but would it be nice if u consider the cultural variances & think hard before u jump to any deep shitholes.If it’s for love, then u must know what are u marrying into.Then again if there was love, would it defeat the purpose a little bit to leave her after a year? That’s bizarre ain’t it?It’s true that many of our leader have different opinions but if u look at it, it’s just another broken & troubled marriage.That’s not for us to judge.It’s simply a personal decision.U asked for it, u got it lor…