Before I continue on, am sharing this on my main blog because I’d like my non-mummy friends who are intending on walking down the path of marriage and family to know that exclusive breastfeeding is hard BUT it is possible!

I have been breastfeeding exclusively for the past 8 months; being a SAHM made it easier – just latch her on and voila, she has had a feed. Not a problem if we go out or stay at home. Sure we ran into a problem or two along the way – distractable baby woes, blocked ducts, milk blebs, etc – but essentially, breastfeeding was a wonderful journey for me. Especially when I got to see how lovely Eva has grown just on my milk.

We got thrown a new challenge recently – me going back to work. Eva has never been on a bottle – a consequence of me refusing to introduce anything other than my boobs to her (pacifier included) – but since it’s been over two months since she started solid food and is familiar with the straw cup, I do have a couple of tricks up my sleeve. But essentially, my challenge was to stockpile some milk in the freezer before going back to work. Easy for some mums who have been pumping since their confinement days but me? The last time my pump saw any action was last November!

So from the beginning of last week, I broke out the pump and started pumping while nursing her. It was a bit tough at first as she would refuse to nurse alongside the darn electric pump – it was just too distracting. Besides, I wasn’t getting much milk out. So I switched to the manual function and things got much much better. I got to pump while she nursed, which is great because it promotes faster letdown which cuts back on my pumping time.

Judging from what I can pump out, Eva drinks about 2 oz of milk every four hours – any more and she would scream hell or bite me. She has always been drinking this amount since she turned 3 months old and after a while, I figured that it was better for everyone that we don’t bother about the numbers and go with how happy and satisfied she was after each feed (instead of me trying to cram my boobs into her mouth and her screaming and crying). So that means I would need about 6 oz of milk a day and after pumping four times a day – I get about 1 oz per boob – I end up usually with a nice 4-5 oz at the end of a day.

But a couple of days into the pump routine, she decides that she didn’t want any more milk at 1130pm so we decided to let her sleep through and I’d pump that feed out. If I keep up this routine at the office – pump at 9am, 1pm and 5pm – and pump out one night feed, I’d end up with a cool 8 oz for the babysitter each day! Quite fab as she can add the additional amount into her breakfast cereals!

When I first started this, I didn’t really give myself a goal per se – only that I want a good enough bank storage of milk for Eva when I started work. I figured that if I can breastfeed her exclusively for so long, I can store up milk for her AND train her to take it from a cup or a straw cup. Many people would worry about making it but like I tell a lot of new breastfeeding mummies, don’t dwell on the “whether” or “what if”. Instead, think positively and it’ll work out!

As you can see, the milk storage part is almost done.

The stash above shows just one row – there is another row hidden behind – and how I store my milk is slightly different from some people who store them in bottles or bags. Because Eva doesn’t drink much, it’s not exactly a great idea to store a lot of milk in a bag, thaw the whole thing and risk spoilage. So I bought some milk bar trays and freeze my milk in 1 oz bars before storing them in bags. I can squeeze about 5 bars in each bag which is just perfect for my daily marking. To date, I have close to 50 milk bars in my freezer. The bars are just as a back-up as I plan to give the babysitter chilled milk that I’ve pumped out at the office.

As for the getting Eva to drink EBM (expressed breast milk), so far, it’s going as well as can be. If it’s fresh EBM, she has no issues drinking it from the straw but since I don’t have a warmer, she got to try chilled EBM and it didn’t sit down quite well – too cold. She dribble a lot out and in the end, didn’t want to try anymore. I tried warming it the old fashioned way (warm water in a bowl) the next day and served it in some Munchkin training cups. That was better. She dribbled out less and managed to finish about 50ml – the remaining 10ml ended up in her morning cereal. Today we’ll try it again and subsequently, she’ll have one feed via a cup till tomorrow and then two-three feeds during the day via a cup on Friday till the weekend. Hopefully she’ll get the hang of it by the time we get to the babysitter’s.

But yes, it’s a lot of work – breastfeeding exclusively. Definitely not for the lazy or undisciplined.

** Cross-posted on the baby blog **

…may just be easier these days.

Online degrees seem to be a new thing these days. When I was a student, there were things like the traditional full time study, distance learning, exchange studies as well as things like 2+1 or 3+1 which is basically spending two or three years based in one country and another year based in another country.

One of the perks about getting a degree online is that the cost of getting a foreign degree is considerably lower as you don’t have to fork out money for accommodation and expenses in another country – something to take note of when you come from a country where the value of its money is low, eg Malaysia. There is also the ability to learn things at your own pace which is great for people who have problems in a public environment or just want to do things in the comfort of their own home.

Online IT degrees are just one of the few things available on an online university like Western Governors Online University. Nonetheless, there is one thing that I’m concerned about – would employers be alright with such degrees given the propensity to “purchase” a degree? Only time will tell, I guess.

In the meantime, this could just be a sign of changing times, no?

…I remember how I used to talk to you as a kid. The little whispers of what I did for the day, what I wanted for tomorrow and what I hoped for the future. Sometimes I would imagine sitting on your lap just as how kids are with Santa Clause in movies. Other times, I imagine a fireplace and a comfy home.

As I grew up, I was told that you should always thank God first for the day and what it brought you – be it that bus which came on time (you know how Malaysian public transportation is notoriously late all the time), or that God held back an impending shower just so you can get back home without getting drenched because you forgot your umbrella. It’s a way of showing that you’re grateful. So I did so but only because I was told to.

I talked to you less as a teenager and a young adult. That I will admit. In fact, the only times I talked to you was when I needed something, like courage for an oral examination or luck for a test – I know but praying really does help make a test seem easier.

There was a period in my life where I became the prodigal son. I stopped talking, stopped imagining and looking back, it must have been a dark period for you too. Trying to be heard yet often ignored.

I don’t know what drew me back to you. Perhaps it was a bad break-up or maybe it was something I read somewhere. I can’t really remember. But I came back and my prayers this time were more…serious and somber rather than whimsical and child-like.

I remember bringing all sorts of worries, concerns and blessings to the table. Not because I was told to. Ohno, this time, I was really grateful for the many things that came my way…from the man I would later go on to marry to the tiny things like churning wedding invitations in time for them to be sent out.

We talked more often when I was pregnant. This time, instead of a fireplace and a comfy home, I imagine us sitting at the coffee table, me all curled up on the sofa with a big belly and a nice blanket while you relaxing away with a coffee. Well, I am allowed to think that God is just human like me, no? Needless to say, that coffee mug really looked smashing on you. I thanked you then for many things and I asked for a few, mostly for others and not so much for myself.

Now that I’m a mother, I hardly ever ask for you things for me but more for how you can better guide my family, my husband and care for my child. If anything, I only ask that you continue to look out for me or rather…the people I care about.

You see, I’m going back to work soon. How this impacts my family and my daughter in the long run, I have no idea. But I hope and trust that you’ll watch over her the way you have watched over me throughout my life and for as long as I have known you.

From one parent to another, thank you…for all that you have done and will do.

Admist the nice weather – rain may not be welcomed for some but it is for us because it just makes everything nice and cool (forget about the humidity and the wet clothes la) – and assignments on free directories plus spinning (and a sleeping baby), there is the constant waiting by the phone.

The waiting comes with mixed feelings. I can hardly believe that April is just around the corner and wish it would stay away for much longer, yet I worry about making the babysitter wait together with me. I’m praying fervently for some good news to a point where I think my prayers are tinged with some desperation. Gah.

If it doesn’t come though, it is a sign of what God really has in store for me? Or…maybe I need to look harder? Hai.

I hate this waiting game.

Yes, I broke out my spinning wheel and decided to put an end to my spinning hiatus! So far, it’s been great for my legs – the workout is just fab (move aside, joint health supplements coz old-fashioned exercise at the wheel is all I need!). Now, I didn’t quite start this recently; it was something that had been sitting on my wheel for a while and I decided I had enough of just looking at it but not doing anything about it!

It’s a unique project in the sense that it’s hand-blended – I merge two separate fibres as I’m spinning them – and I’m also working with one white and one coloured fibre. I’m hoping to get a heathered yarn when I’m done plying it as from experience, candy cane coloured singles when plied lend a heathered look to the yarn. With any luck, I should be done with this in a few days, the latest a couple of weeks, depending on my schedule. After that, I’ll probably put it up on the Etsy store or hang on to it as a gift or an addition to my stash.

What are the two fibres, you may ask. Well, one is pure alpaca and handdyed by moi, the other is undyed superwash merino. I’m liking the texture so far and am quite excited to see how this all turns out!

I hardly get to reflect on my life these days. With interview appointments, taking care of her, finding a babysitter (and then confirming her), cooking and cleaning as well as picking up on my sewing and spinning again (just to relax) plus the exercise (I feel weird if I miss out on an evening walk), by the time I hit the sack, I just doze off or spend a couple of minutes pre-sleep thinking about the next day’s schedule.

It so happened today, after a late morning feed, as she’s asleep and the hubs busy with his stuff, here I am on the bed with my laptop on a nice cool grey Saturday morning. Perfect weather for sleeping but the lady is up and awake.

Up and awake AND thinking.

Eva will turn 8 months in less than 24 hours. Wow. In the past 8 months, I have gone from being an essentially free single (but married) lady to being a mother to a lovely baby girl who has given me nothing but the best of both worlds – baby-goodness AND baby-trials (poo, pee, cry, etc). I have watched how a human being develops, be part of the process and am sometimes still amazed at the wonder of it all. Perhaps this is just a fraction of how God felt when He first made man and watch man grow. I can’t say for sure that it’s truly what He felt so I’ll settle with just a fraction. The pride, the joy, the love…and yes, the sacrifices that we make for her.

At times like this, I forget that I hardly get to sleep in these days, that my last trip to the cinema was over two years ago, that I plan my life around her and hardly around myself, that I haven’t really shopped all that much (only started lately because I’m jobhunting), that I don’t really have time to put on some night cream, let alone a facial, and that my bank account is looking rather…slim these days.

My life has changed so much since I got married. In a span of two years, I’ve moved across the world twice – I still recall the first thing I said to Nil when I landed in Areuse, Neuchatel (”Where did you move us to? It’s…like a kampung!”) – only to move back to Singapore (”Why did you move us back to Singapore? It’s…too crowded!”) (can’t win them all, can you?) and became part of a real blessing in the form of a baby. I went through the ups and downs of running a store (still am going through it), got to dabble in my dream of travelling around Europe backpacker style (camp tent and all) and met some really wonderful people in the process.

You could say that it’s been a rollercoaster year…and for a good reason. I even suspect that I’ll be going through a few more surprises and challenges and it’s not even the middle of the year. But no matter, I still feel really blessed.

Thank you God for letting me feel IT.

I’m not a really big fan of cincaluk, fresh shrimp preserved in brine and sugar before being allowed to ferment, because of its rather overpowering smell and tendency to explode when shaken (a result of its gassy content). However, it’s AWESOME when cooked, particularly with pork and plenty of chillies! This is a Nyonya dish and although my mum isn’t Nyonya, my grandmother was and my mum managed to learn how to make this dish AND cook it regularly as I was growing up. I remember the tangy yet sweet and seafood flavour infused with the pork, and those chillies…just yummy!

For this recipe, I missed out on the tamarind – something which happens when you’re hungry and trying to cook dinner without starving in the process! – but the outcome was still quite delish although that true to the actual recipe itself. I also used pork belly, the only cut of pork meat I have in my freezer/fridge (you may want to bulk up on those best weight loss pills as pork belly is usually fatty!) but my mum makes this dish using lean meat, loin meat to be exact, but feel free to experiment with other cuts, including the ribs.

Stir Fried Pork with Cincaluk

Ingredients

About 400 gms of pork meat
1-2 tbsp cincaluk
3 cloves garlic
3 small-medium sized shallots
1 green chilli
1 red chilli
Light soy sauce
A sprinkle of brown sugar
Oil for stir-frying

* Don’t forget to add in some 1-2 tbsp of tamarind juice (taken from water mixed in with some tamarind pulp) if you want a bit of sour tangy to the dish.

Method

1. Prepare the meat, chilli, garlic, and shallots by finely slicing them.
2. In a non-stick wok or pan, fry the garlic and shallots on medium-high heat until fragrant before adding in the cincaluk and chillies. Fry until aromatic.
3. Add in slices of pork and fry until brown. If you’re adding in tamarind, do it after the meat is cooked.
4. Add in some sugar, and if necessary, light soy sauce (taste first before adding in the soy sauce). Stir fry until evenly mixed. If you need the dish to be a little bit wet, feel free to add in some water – about 1-2 tablespoons. If it’s too wet, cook it a little longer so that the sauce will thicken.
5. When ready, dish and serve warm with some rice or other dishes or eat on its own.

The latest hot news – entertainment-wise, that is – in Singapore is the scandal involving Jack Neo, his marriage and his (ex?) mistress. When his mistress showed up at his home for a final showdown involving his wife and himself, little did Neo realize that the entire Singapore would later spend the next few days talking about his escapades with the 22-year old Wendy Chong. Now, it would seem that his “sewing his wild oats outside the marital bed” has gone beyond Chong; numerous women have come forward alleging that he either tried to pick them up or used his position as a prominent director and producer of films in Singapore to solicit these women.

Now, whatever Neo chooses to do with his marriage, and so forth is really none of our business but what piques me is the startling difference in the opinion many Singaporeans have taken with regards to him cheating on his marriage, and the age-old question: who is to blame.

According to a random street poll done by Shin Min here in Singapore, the Straits Time reported that:

…70 per cent of the women surveyed said they thought he should not be easily forgiven for his extra-marital affairs… In stark contrast, 75 per cent of the men polled said he should be forgiven, although fewer than half felt he should take the most responsibility for his affairs. Many blamed both Neo and his mistress, Chong.

Some even said Neo’s wife, Madam Irene Kng, 46, should also bear part of the blame too for ‘closing an eye’ on his affairs.

In some forums, some Singaporeans are saying that some men who were interviewed by the daily were saying that it was not wrong for Neo to cheat on his wife. These same Singaporeans are also angry over the fact that Neo is setting a bad example for his children, especially his sons, by making the matter public and using his wife in a press conference as a shield and diversion. One update by one forum goer was that Neo had intended to apologize to his wife but stopped when she walked away from him. She was perplexed by what she read. Indeed.

Looking at the statistics of the poll, I wonder if the results and sentiments shared by these individuals would be the same IF Neo was a woman who was caught cheating on her husband with a younger man; read: would men be more inclined to forgive if their wives cheated on them? Going back to Jack, would he still show up at his wife’s press conference and talk about forgiving her, etc OR would he stage a sit-in protest by refusing to make any comments or a public appearance by her side? Food for thought, definitely.

As for the young ladies who are all claiming to be either sexually harassed by or involved with Neo, it would seem that their timing and means of “coming forward” is perfect – for them at least. With each new “story”, there is more publicity generated over Neo’s numerous marital misconducts. After all, like they said in the field of public relations, bad publicity is better than no publicity. Shaming him, exacting revenge and so forth – all that is just a bonus.

My take on whose the blame? Well, all of them are – none more than the other. Neo was unfortunate to tangle with the wrong woman – evidently, the young Miss Chong wasn’t about to go away quietly while Neo continued on his merry way. Still, cheating on your spouse is wrong and so is helping someone cheat on their spouse. I still don’t understand why women want to demean themselves by going out with a married man. After all, do they honestly believe that he will leave his wife? Do they think that he won’t do the same (cheat) on them? There is a saying – “If he can cheat on his wife with you, he can cheat on you”. Hai.

Now, should Neo be forgiven? Well, if I were his wife, no. I take the sanctity of my marriage very seriously and if I have to resort to cheating on my partner to get some fulfilment out of my emotional self, then I should do it as a divorcee. After all, this is not just about our individual values but what our children will learn from things like this. One can only hope that Neo’s sons and daughter grow up NOT thinking that it’s okay to cheat on their spouses and be forgiven so easily; that it’s okay to go out with a married person and break up someone’s family; that third parties are victims – sorry, but the real victims in this situation are the children, not the wife, the husband OR the mistress.

By the way, did you know that Neo plans to make a movie about this? Personally, I’d rather he spend the time and energy into saving and rebuilding his marriage.