Must have a been a shocker, no, to read that last post I made? Can’t say that I aim to please but it just goes to show that despite what Hollywood (and other people) try to tell us, motherhood, wifehood, marriage and even things like weight loss (adipex diet pills?) isn’t all that easy or simple as it’s made to be.

Like a lovely and new mum-blogger-friend puts it, I’m going through reverse culture shock whereby I have to adjust back to the old life, old place, old surroundings. Not really all that peachy and fun, honestly. But that aside, I’m thankful to have great people and friends who read this blog and my status updates on Facebook. They come in varied personalities but still, it’s amazing the things that they have said about my last post – some are very supportive and encouraging; others still show that they care but not really along the same lines.

I really REALLY have no intention of going back to work for now – not because I’m not career minded but because my priorities have changed. This is something that many here find it hard to accept; that a woman wants to give up a career and supposed life of independence for just a baby and a husband; that it’s NOT draconian and outdated to want to be a homemaker. Yes, HOMEmaker – my job is to turn my house into a home where people in it are loving, warm and well, together. Of lately, it hasn’t been living up to that but I’m hoping that it would slowly change. It’s strange coz many years ago, going back to work would have been frowned upon in society because it was expected of women to give up their jobs to take care of their families.

For me, the health of my family, the well-being of my children is important to me – say what you will but us turning out fine is no mirror to how our children will be if we walk in the same paths of our working mums. My mother had no choice but to go back to work and leave us with my grandmother and I know for a fact that if she had a choice, she would have taken care of us herself. Sometimes I suspect that’s also why she wants to take care of Eva – to make up for the opportunity that she lost when she had me – but that’s another story altogether. Besides, my parenting direction and wants/needs differs from my parents – different generation, different styles, so forth coupled with the fact that my hubby is not Asian, well, all the more reason for one of us to stay at home and raise our child.

Security and independence comes in many forms and guises. You can be a homemaker yet be secure and independent. It’s not just tied with a job or a career.

Also, some women like me are just not cut out to be full time working mums – I’d absolutely hate it (I just know) and would spend a good time wondering what on earth is my daugther doing today, how is she faring, is the babysitter okay with her and so forth. I’d be one of those mums who would stare at the clock waiting for 5:30pm to hit and run home to be with her little one. The fact that I have problems answering simple recruiting questions is a sign that I’m not ready to go back to work. Other women find it hard to staying at home all the time tending to a little one with absolutely no adult contact. So at the end of the day, it’s more about what you feel is good for you.

Here’s where the trouble starts. In Europe, people don’t really tell you what to do because it’s not polite and definitely not their place to order you around. A person’s career or job choice is a personal decision and off-limits at the dining table or any other place where conversations take place. But in Asia, we don’t appear to have this sort of boundary because to Asians, personal decisions just don’t exist and asking/telling is perfectly okay because it’s under the guise of “we are just being supportive/caring”.

After 1.5 years of LOVING the fact that people don’t ask me when I’m getting married, when I’m having kids, when my 2nd one is coming, what I’m going to do – in fact, my sister-in-law nearly turned red with embarrassment when she asked my permission to ask me whether I was thinking of working in Singapore – and so forth, coming back to Singapore and putting up with “you OUGHT to go back to work”, “you OUGHT to have your 2nd one next year” and so forth, well, it’s kind of overwhelming, annoying and hard to tune out. Gah. And worse is this – I have still yet to find a way to ignore them coz most of the time, it comes from family. Hai.

Hm, suddenly, after all that outpouring, I went blank. It doesn’t help that my little one is shouting and screaming at lord knows what in her crib – I suspect it’s that pink cow whose behind is facing her. O’well, one peril though about being a mum – for me, that is – is that your thoughts can be super disjointed at one point yet coherent at another. O’well…

So yeah, I’m alive, good and yes, still married to a good man with a cutie pie to smooch and cuddle every day and night.