Do they really when it comes to marriage and faith?
I am one of those Christians who married a non-believer and ended up being labeled as sinful and untrue to my faith. By who? By my own fellow brothers and sisters. My marriage according to them is sinful and tainted in God’s eyes because according to scripture, I’m supposed to stick to a Christian man.
I have always told myself that this is something that is between me and God, that I really shouldn’t care but I feel the need to stand up for God’s quirky plans. Yes, I know He can stand up for Himself but I would like to explain the background to this awkward match anyway.
…
My journey of love began a very long time ago when as a child, I first formed an idea of my knight in shining armour. Oddly enough, some of the qualities I wanted in a man then are still the ones I look for today – wit, wisdom and heart. But above all everything else, as a child, I wanted to be married to a godly man. Yes, I asked God to send me a good Christian man who would love me, understand me and more importantly, help me grow. I had a long list; a list that included physical, mental and emotional capabilities.
As I grew older and became more aware of my faith and importantly, my place in this world that we live in, I began to realize that sometimes God doesn’t give us what we want. He gives us what we need. And somehow He felt that what I needed right now as a life partner was not a Christian man. To be honest, I’m married to someone who hates the church and sometimes sees God as non-existent. Nil can strangle me right now!
When I first met Nil, I knew what I was getting myself into – another one of those “unequally yoked” relationships – and I was concerned. My previous relationship left me burnt, not just spiritually but mentally and emotionally. I was afraid of getting involved with anyone, much or less a non-believer (or otherwise). So I did what came naturally…I prayed. And my prayer was simple this time. No requests for signs, special characteristics and what not, just a simple prayer. Yes, I was that fed up and scared.
God, I’m scared. Is he the one for me? Will he help me grow to know you? Please tell me.
One to two years later, we were still together and it was then that it happened. I was going through a tough time at church and with my faith in particular. It wasn’t with God per se but more with His people and I wanted to just throw in the towel. That was when Nil surprised me with the most profound statement anyone has ever told me. It gave me so much encouragement and more importantly, it showed me the way back to God.
Don’t give up on God. I did a long time ago but you…you’re pure and strong. You are a loving and good Christian who knows and understands your beliefs. You shouldn’t give up on Him because of these people. He is worth more.
A non-believer who hates the church and sometimes God Himself telling me that God is worth more than a bunch of silly people. Since then, I knew. This was it.
…
We humans can never ever profess to know what God has in store for each and every one of us much or less understand His ways and how He may choose to grant us our heart’s desire(s). Why? Because when you’re imperfect, you’ll never be able to understand how perfection works. It is beyond understanding itself.
Sometimes the things that brings us closer to God may be the things that seem harmful. But is it really when it’s God’s hand at work? I remember reading somewhere about how God will test you with fire but He’ll never ever let you burn. We may mistake our hurts as burns like I did but when I look back, it was more of refining my beliefs and teaching me more about myself.
Are His plans the same for all or are they unique like how we are? It is said in the Bible that God took His time creating us, that He knew us from even way before we were conceived in our mother’s womb and more importantly, that He knew what we each needed in life. Even if we needed the same thing, the way of reaching this objective was different simply because we are all different. His creativity saw that no two human is the same – from appearance to DNA map. So why can’t His plans be as unique?
Yes, it is a long and tough road being married to a non-believer but it is also a road that has been richly blessed. God has been there throughout our trials and tribulations. He gave us both what we needed the most – He gave us each other – and through each other, we are slowly finding our way back to Him. Isn’t that more important?
My marriage to Nil may seem to be unholy in the eyes of other believers and my vows unrecognized by the church. Whether it’s because of his non-existent faith OR because I didn’t want a church ceremony, I don’t know. But as far as I am concerned, I took this marriage solemnly and seriously, understanding that it is an institution ordained and governed by God. Marriage is not sinful. More importantly, I went in with the knowledge that this is part of God’s will for me and therefore, valid before His eyes – the only ones that are important. My walk of faith is between me and God and FOR God not anyone else.
Oh…that whole “birds of a feather” thingie? Well, the last I checked, we are all sinners, even us Christians. Our plumage is just of a different colour.
I respect you for having the courage to do what you know to be right for you, even though it may seem wrong in the eyes of others. I know that is not an easy thing to do.
Dear Mei..
You are soo right. You have my support as I am in similar shoes as yours just that I am the non-believer or the sinful one while my HB is HIS follower. My HB has stopped going to church as he has lost faith with HIS people who has interpret HIS WORDS into something that they wanted it to be. Very sad indeed. BUT I (the none believer) always encourage my HB look around and he might find the right church to attend.
I hope you feel better soon. I agree with the previous noter. Sometimes staunch Christians makes the unconsious misinterpretation and begin to act like they are God.. Maybe this is another test you have been given. :peace:
Hang in there and never give up on God. My husband and I were unequally yoked for 7 yrs of courtship and 15 years of marriage. He came to the Lord 10 years ago. :hug:
:flower:
God still loves you and Nil!
Ignore the judgemental people and continue to grow in God and :love: .
*muaks*
Nurhanne: Thanks! Dunno why it seems wrong in the first place – is love even wrong?
Sally: That’s pretty amazing!!!! I’m always in awe of God when I hear stories of how people came to Him.
Sharon: That’s wonderful and so very loving of you! It saddens to me at times to know that a lot of non-Christians are less judgmental of others than a lot of Christians out there. Whatever happened to emulating Christ? *sigh*
Thanks for the support, dears. It comes at a fantastic time…and after reading Max Lucado’s books, I feel so much better! ^.^
Hey Mabel,
I think that Christians discourage non-Christian partners because unless the Christian partners are strong enough, they tend to fall away from God and/or church.
I’ve seen it in my bro’s gf, my bro being the non-Christian.
In any case, no reason for church members to scrutinise and judge you. Should’ve been there to advise you and be be there for you.
Maybe joining a cell group will be better? Cause then you’d be able to share your life with them and also, after listening to your reasons, support your decisions.
My two cents
Dearest Mabes,
I so understand how you feel. Believe me, I do.
I felt that they shouldn’t have judged you. God has plans for all of us and I believe that when God introduced Nil to you, it’s part of his plans. Uchong surprises me many a times when I get angry and question God. Amazingly, it’s people like your hubby and Uchong, who are non-christians, that puts your feet back to the ground and make you walk again.
I’ve been scrutinised too and I didn’t like it. I know God has a plan for me.
My parents have been unequally yonked since the day they met. My mother has never ever criticised my relationship with God. Instead, she encourages me to go to church and pray everyday. My dad never missed a mass and he and my mother remained together up till now.
Nothing is impossible.
Sometimes I feel that many people turn away from chritianity because of all these. But be strong k, mabes? If you are strong, none of what they say can sway you. You have faith in God, he’ll be there for you.
Hmm…, why is even belief been forced? It’s either you do or don’t.
As you have said yourself, it’s the relationship between you and your God, nobody else in between. So ignore those ignorant people. Be happy you found Nil and married the one you love.
:flower:
From your first comment, I would have said, ” yes, his hatred of the church would eventually cause a rift in ur marriage unless you stop going to church. Upon reading further, his comments leave much hope :clap: :clap: and who knows by the time your first child comes along , he might be at church every week!!! :D:
Forget those holier than thou so-called church goers.. God has a purpose for you both.
We were an unapproved match too.. I’m Presbyterian and he’s Catholic- when we returned to get married in a Malaysian Catholic church.. the disapproval was every evident. We needed few sponsors to write in ( almost begging), the main door to church was allowed to opened only half, No choir was allowed , only a pianist ( Catholic) and there was a very strict time limit on the wedding itself. I had to fly out every week to attend the marriage course and get approval from the Archdiocese in Canada and the papers sent to Malaysia. The Presbyterian church was very welcoming but we chose the catholic church out of respect for MIL and his umpteen generations of Irish Catholics. Now hubby comes to my church with me and he goes to his earlier in the morning.
wishing you both happinessand forget about those self righteous people. God also said ” do not judge”