So he’s gone.
Never mind that we cuddled for the last time this morning. Just staying close to each other, arms and hands interlocking, my head cradled against his neck. I broke houserules just to be with the one I loved for perhaps the last time in the next few months. I know he’s not having a good time either – while I slept the night away after a bout of tears, he spent the whole night being awake. Being the man, he doesn’t give in easily to tears or any form of emotion that would give him away but I know him. Perhaps when I cry, I cry for him too.
I’m still adjusting, feeling a little under the weather. My colleagues think that I’m doing great; they think that I’ll have heaps of time now that he’s gone…but they don’t understand. Nil was never ever infringing on my space or my time. If anything, I enjoyed being with him, spending time with him, just being around him. I still do my stuff when he’s around – play games, bake muffins/cookies, knit, etc.
I suppose this is why I am finding it hard to adjust to him not being a close part of my everyday life. This isn’t about being needy, it is about being apart from someone you love dearly; someone who, as corny as this sounds, holds your heart in the palm of his hands.
Oh, how do I explain this? I suppose if you’ve never been in a LDR, you would never know.
Anyway, I’m closing comments to this entry because right now, I just want to let go, let out and NOT give a damn about what people have to say or what they think about my mental health at this very moment.