I used to write heaps of letters, the old-fashioned paper and pen kind of letter. Very unlike today’s form of communication. Letters back then were personal and well, intimate to a certain degree. Friendships, relationships and familial ties were founded on the very words inked out on these sheets of paper. My dad’s ‘infamous’ six-paged love letter to me while I was in Australia; stamps accompanied by typed words on A4 sheets of paper from my Swedish pen pal (whom I still keep in touch with after nearly ten years of staying in contact); postcards with chicken-scratches disguised as handwriting from friends…
I stopped writing two years ago. The words somehow stopped flowing and well, there wasn’t anyone around to write to on a personal and intimate basis. It became hard for me to write what I thought and felt. I guess you could say that I grew cynical over time.
BUT I picked up the pen again. A few days ago. Last Thursday to be exact.
That night, I opened up to Nil whole-heartedly. My issues with the ex has clouded my relationship with Nil and occupied the top position in my heart (even though all I feel towards my ex was nothing but hatred and pity) for far too long. It hit me then that if I continue to let things be the way they were, the love between us both would just start to flicker away. I mean, how long can a flame burn on a short wick? And so, I decided that enough was enough.
I gave Nil the most precious thing I had to offer to any man. I gave him my heart and in doing so, I gave him a box of love. A box filled with letters. Letters filled with intimacy and thoughts.
Suddenly a blog doesn’t seem like the right place to write love letters to a partner. I toyed with the idea once, the idea of setting up a blog filled with love letters to a partner but somehow it just didn’t feel right. So the blog-project fell to pieces. It’s still lying around somewhere on the Internet. You see, there is something magical and strangely profound about holding a love letter in your hand and seeing the delicate penmanship; about pouring out your feelings onto paper.
Perhaps I found that magic again.
A box, several love letters and a few knick-knacks. Love wrapped up in a box. The best going-away gift for a heart has loved me well.