Upset.

I’ve been thinking more about the stupid ex than I should.

I hate it.

Maybe there is a reason to the dark, gloomy weather brewing outside my office.

I hate being reminded of his stupid STUPID stupid existence because in doing so, I get reminded of how I once had to put up with things like this:

“My family and friends are more important to me than you.”

“I hope you don’t make me lose any more friends” (when I specifically told him NOT to break off his friendship)

“I want to do my things…you’ll never understand. I’ll tell you when I’m ready to tell you.”

“It’s like you’re the man in the relationship and I don’t know where I stand.”

“Why can’t you change? Why don’t you ever think about me? Why don’t you ever understand? It’s your fault.”

…reminded of this…

“I’ve loved this girl for 9 years. I havent stopped loving her. She’s my bestfriend and she’ll never see me as anything more than that.”

I’ll be honest.

I hate my ex. A LOT.

So much that I think if I were single and alone with no family and friends, I would die just to escape him.

(On a side note, I’m beginning to emphatise with my FMC – Female Main Character – in my 2003 novel. Yes, I know I need to forget and ignore it all BUT 1) it’s easier said than done, and 2) you don’t know what happened in those 1.5 years.)

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8 Comments

  1. Why still think of it? Why keep yourself reminded about him? He’s always gonna be a cancer in your life. Get him out fast before the cancer spreads.

  2. Coz everywhere I am – online, that is – I see him. ~_~ I know it’s hardly an excuse but it’s difficult when I do NaNo, hang out in forums and well, this entry was prompted by an email he sent. *sighs*

    Long story la.

    Oddly enough, I think it’s something to do with 1) my 2003 NaNo and 2) the bloody gloomy weather. :((

  3. Well, you should just ignore him if you see him in any forums that both of you visit. Better still, don’t even bother to reply to any of his postings, even if he make some remarks about what you posted. Don’t give him a chance to make a cheap shot at you. Ignoring is always the best medicine.

    You should also consider him as “dead”. A little harsh but it’s easier to deal with a dead person than a live one.

  4. Do you think it’s entirely his fault to think that way? Why don’t you put yourself in HIS shoe and see where he is coming from? Perhaps YOU were trying to lead the relationship and hence bruised his ego? From what I see, IMHO, it is quite obvious you’re the controlling kind. Am I right?

    :d

  5. Mushy: Now why didn’t I think of that? Thanks. 🙂

    Anon: Me controlling? You need to check with my bf on that. BUT you know what? Everyone is controlling, to a certain extent, especially when it involves their lives. (I suspect you don’t know the full story/what actually happened. *shrugs*)

    I think you’re missing the point of this entry.

    Do understand this: I am not saying that I’m without fault. I have my own flaws. But this was never an entry intended to debate about who is to blame (I have already gone through all that “put yourself in his shoes” thingie, thanks), rather an entry about my own frustration at the inability to shut him (and my past) completely out of my life.

    Btw, do I know you…from work?

  6. Its hard for you to forget ‘cos you probably find it hard to think that a person who was at times good to you (has to be something good right otherwise you wouldnt have gone out with him) is so cruel.?? ( I’m just theorising here and from experience too) You have to see it as it was… he is mentally and verbally abusive and will never change. It will take time but he will soon be nothing more than a faded bad memory.

  7. Rom: You could have never been more right. I’m finding it so hard to believe it and worse, I doubt the whole ‘sincerity’ of the relationship, especially upon hearing that last bit about him loving his best friend for years and while we were together. I want to remember the good stuff but I can’t seem to. :(( O’well…looks like I’ll need heaps of time lor.

  8. :d When you’re ready, give us a date and we’ll be here to give those “bad memories” a good funeral and burial 😉

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