Will it ever lead to something more concrete?

It’s been slightly over a year now, since Nil and I got together and closer to the day that he’ll make it back to his home country, the big F. Honestly, I’ve been dreading that day. (Well, I just realized that he isn’t exactly gung-ho about the idea too. Just that me? I’m more vocal about it.)

And that’s when my stupid past begins to rear its ugly head at me.

I worry.

Worry that it will never last. Worry that he’ll find someone new. Worry that I’ll have to start all over again.

I love Nil. I want to be married to him and have his babies. But I’m also aware that people DO change and that distance (plus time) does have an impact on a long distance relationship. I’m hardly prepared for the idea of him leaving, let alone the fact that he is to leave and in six months’ time. Many people tell me that it’ll be fine but I can’t help but wonder if they are true and that I’m just being overly paranoid or that I’m right and that they are just in denial.

Two nights ago, I dreamt that Nil got down on his knees, and popped the question. (Does and will it mean more than what it seems to be?) Two days later, I wondered to myself if that will ever happen.

I still think about it sometimes.

Will we ever get married? Will we ever grow old together? Will it ever lead to something more than what it is already?

One of my secondary school mates is tying the knot end of this year after a three year courtship. Blame me for starting off late…actually, finding Nil this late in my life. I had to go through some shitty relationships before finding The One. Or at least I seem to think of him as The One. I feel the age, pressure and pinch catching up with me. I dread being asked “when is your turn ar?” next year during CNY and dread giving the same ole’ excuse over and over again.

I mean, I know my worth but it sure is a lonely battle out there. (I might just skip CNY and run away to another country.)

*sighs*

This is, honestly, shitty. End of the year blues, coupled with that whole new year resolutions thingie and not to mention the whole parents going “are you guys serious about each other?” bit.

ARGH.

This is so frustrating…yet scary.

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Questions. Quietness. Uncertainty.

Did you ever stopped and wondered about how things would be if you had done stuff differently? Simple stuff. Like blogging.

I feel like taking a break.

Better still, I feel like password-ing every single entry.

I’d love to go back to the time when I could write about anything and everything and not worry about how small the world was.

I think my entries have changed in tone and mood. I think I’d be bored to death just reading about the same old stuff over and over again.

Hm.

I think I’ll take that break.

Besides, it’s going to be December soon and I need to prepare tonnes of X’mas pressies.

We’ll see how it goes.

Don’t be too surprise if I password stuff. You can always email me about it though. 🙂

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Pictures.

YARN YARN YARN!

(Remember how I promised you guys pictures of the yarns I bought? Well, I just got them from Nil and they didn’t come out so nice coz I took them pretty late into the night with just the light from two lamps nearby. Gack. But anyway, fixed it up and voila! Yarnnnnn-funness!)

Pictures of the yarn I got in Singapore in three different colours – pink, red and brown. YUM!

Emotive Yarn
Composition: 79.5% Acrylic, 18% Mohair, 2.5% Polyester
Weight: 100g ball
Yardage: Approx. 120m/130yd
Retails at: SGD8.95 per ball

So what’s the texture like? Take a look-see for yourself.

*gets back to knitting a new scarf with the reddish coloured Emotive yarn*

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A weekend away in Singapore.

The weekend was spent pretty well, I’d say. It had been a while since I last went down to Singapore for a short break – just to spend some time with Nil. (I don’t think that pre-Hanoi trip count as a short break.)

Anyway, his new place is quiet and nearer to the city. Plus-side? It is way cleaner, has a swimming pool, and a cute little baby to boot. Oh yes, his housemate-friend is married with a one-year old baby girl. Never got to see them until we were leaving yesterday. Chloe is so super cute…especially when she sits on her round bottom, looks up and goes “HUH?” at the top of her voice.

^_____^

Anyway, most of Saturday morning was spent catching up on sleep. (I had a bunch of old ladies next to me chatter away until past 2:30am. Gack.) By the time we hit the city roads on his cute little motorbike, it was nearly way past lunch time. Off to Plaza Singapore for a quick bite first, then a drop off at Spotlight, where I went oooohhhh and ahhhhhh over cross-stitch kits, long stitch and emboidery kits PLUS new novelty yarn. Nil got bored there because I couldn’t decide what I want. So instead of getting some cute cross-stitch kits (which are actually cheaper and better looking than the ones here), I blew SGD50 (and slightly more) on 3 balls of yarn (100 gm, 120 metres and 25% mohair – plus other stuff – acrylic and polyester, me thinks), a pair of 7mm knitting needles and three mini emboidery kits which I think I’ll give away as Christmas pressies.

(Pictures of the yarn will come up soon once Nil sends them over to me by email.)

After that, it was a quick dash to Carrefour for some groceries. Zipping around in his motorbike is really fun although Singaporean drivers are a little like us, if not just as bad sometimes. Whoever expected them to be different? I think all of us, no matter where we are from, are just about the same. Ohyes, swimming. Went swimming in the quite warm pool at his place for a good half an hour I think…and got tempted with the delicious smells of the nearby barbeque pit. I think I’d want to go swimming on Sundays when Nil comes over for the weekend. At least it’ll give us some much-needed exercise. 😉

Dinner was in the form of pizzas – frozen ones that were baked – and a tarte (French-styled pizza like thingies) and a movie called ‘The Chronicles of Riddick’ which I thought I had never watched before, but it turned out that I did. Gack.

Sunday was spent here where I further marvelled at the emergence of really still-wild and skittish monkeys (unlike the ones in Bukit Timah and in Penang where they actually come after you). The canopy walk was quite informative and I think it was a great idea for a ‘date’ even though I must admit to being a tad reluctant to actually get my lazy butt up to go in the first place. It is well-maintained and very clean, plus…NO LEECHES! YAY! I’d seriously recommend a trip there – it’s free too.

(By the way, the hike is relatively easy – to the tree top canopy, that is. Nil and I are tempted to try out the 7km trail the next time I’m there.)

Hm…I was thinking of taking Nil up to Bukit Gasing for a hike this weekend…we’ll see how it goes. Going for movies, hanging out in shopping centres and staying at home to sleep is a bit too much for me to handle sometimes. Not to mention boring.

Anyway, right now, I’m at work – came straight from the train station, courtesy of Dad who was nice enough to pick me up at Sentral and show me a new way to get to work. He got off at Puchong to do his own thing. Ah, the life of a retiree.

So yeah…

FUNNESS!

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Itch. Itch. Itch.

Just as I suspected.

My sotong allergy is back up again and this time with a vengence. Luckily I didn’t compound the problem by eating duck and drinking alcohol, otherwise the rash would be here again and I’d be itching like a monkey.

This morning’s nasi lemak proved to be my underdoing.

Anyway, right now, I’ve got the itchies – not bad ones but enough to get me all annoyed. Thankgawd it ain’t life-threatening.

So yeah.

No more sotong for now.

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