…between friends and family, that is. Between partner/hubby/boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ll talk about that another time.
Now I don’t mean to smear anyone’s good name out there – this post is not indicative of any of my friends/family in particular but if you feel the pinch, ever consider that maybe it’s because you are either 1) going through something similar yourself, or 2) did it to someone. Somehow, I have a strange feeling that this is going to sound like those emails Simon and Caroline get during the Light & Easy Breakfast Show. 
I never like to loan people money. I watch my parents go through horrendous hell just to get back money from friends and family. Half of the time, they have to act like beggars to get their own money back and it’s really disheartening to hear words like “You’re my relative, so you should GIVE me the money”. Between friends, words like that don’t come out but others do – “Aiya…why so impatient? Give me some time la” or “Why can’t you be more understanding?” – and the acting like a beggar…it happens between friends as well. Something I really really dislike.
BUT…
Of lately, I’ve been ‘too generous’ and have loaned money to a few people for all sorts of reasons – paycheque didn’t come in so bills can’t be paid; paid all their bills, lost their job and income and no money to travel outstation for an emergency, etc… I loan them the cash because I felt their cause was deserving. As a friend, I decided to help them out with the following conditions: that the money I was giving to them is just a loan and must be repaid as soon as possible. After all, I don’t run a charity and I too need to pay bills (and other things). I made this condition very clear before I even give them the cash.
One of them (A) wanted some money for an emergency travel – A had to go out of town and was short of cash, being recently unemployed and with a stack of billls to pay. After a phone call, A paid me back immediately. A called a few times just to see if I was around and drove over to my former workplace just to give me back the money. All it took was two to three weeks from the time I loaned A the money till the time I got it back.
Another one (B) wanted some money to settle some bills – B’s paycheque was not in yet and bills were due, REALLY due. That was a more than month ago (it was late July I think). I was strap for cash nearly two to three weeks ago and buzzed B to ask if I could get my money back. I was told that I could only get 25% back as B was going through some rough times and there was no sign of money coming in. I agreed – 25% was better than nothing – but B wanted to bank in the money. Between friends, I didn’t see the necessity for such things so I suggested a meet-up during the weekend. The weekend came and gone – that was two weeks ago. I have yet to see my money and I haven’t heard from B at all. I called on the weekend that we were supposed to meet but no answer. I called a few days ago but B didn’t pick up and only sent me an SMS asking me “what’s up”.
I really feel like a beggar.
So far I haven’t received a single call from B with a “Hey, I owe you some money. Can I pay you back?” and I am very tired of having to chase an adult for a promise that was made – not to mention for my money. It doesn’t help that this person has some of my things as well and I would like to get them back .
I don’t want to come to the point where I start a rant about how B’s spending habits are and etc because I feel that it will not really help the situation. It is going to be close to two months now since I loaned B the money.
What should I do?
i have a policy when comes to money… never mix money with relationship… you might loose the relationship and get back your money…
just get back your money… call him / her up and avoid this kind of nuisance in the future…
It is quite obvious to me, tat u wudn’t b gettin ur $ back witout taking some drastic measures. Trust me, tis will only go back and forth thru phone calls. I suggest u go to B’s hse n demand for ur $ back. If B s not home, jst wait. If B says no $, drive to the atm wit B to retrieve the $. If B stil insist no $ in atm, then take watever B has in B’s wallet. I do not belief that if B can pay for petrol n food n necessities, he has no $ to pay u back. It is B’s problem if he doesn’t haf any $ to survive on, not urs. I suggest you handle ur own problem first. If B really values ur friendship, then B shudn’t toy ard wit u. Why shud u stil be nice to B when B is obviously taking advantage of your kindness? Be firm! These kind of friends are perhaps not worth keeping. At times, u have to be cruel to be kind!
Sms your friend and remind him/her. If there is no reply, sms again..and again..and again…until your friend knows you are really serious about this.
I also have people owing me money..worse still, it’s own family member. I know siblings shouldn’t be calculative with each other but hey, I’m not rich. I got bills to pay too. This sibling tells me that since his friend owe him the same exact amount of money, therefore he will get this friend to pay me directly instead. That was 6 months ago. If I sulk, it won’t look nice. If I demand, also won’t look nice. So how?
:-O i am CURRENTLY sharing ur pain. after 2 mths you’re feeling it. how would u be feeling if it was close to 1 yr? And not really a VERY VERY large amount at that. Worst still if the person was an xbf. see, my problem is i CANT b nasty with him or else i can kiss my $$ goodbye coz he can just pretend like wat 8mo mentioned. i have no choice but to put on my muka tebal n keep on asking/begging him NICELY other….bye bye $$.
it’s DAMN sickening & frustrating (just like what u mentioned) to be begging for MY hard earned money. i’ve called numerous times, EVERY month end in fact. but still the same answer, “later..later…later OR this mth too tight. call me next mths”, and this is coming from the man i was dating n once called the love of my life. sigh. it’s sad but true that money and relationships really dont go hand in hand especially when one starts to owe another and then pretend like as if nothing happened.
this is also the reason why i have refrained from borrowing OR lending any money. then again, if a person can come and ask u for $$, they must be desperate HOWEVER, they too must realise that we are not growing money. sadly, the problem arises when they THINK we do.
happens all the time. NEVER EVER lend money to anyone….even friends….
Hey all,
Many thanks for your advice and suggestions. Will definitely do so…but the thing is this: why must it be so hard to get back the money?
I mean if I owe people money, I return it to them IMMEDIATELY or at least the very next day. The attitude that Yvy’s ex has annoys me a lot. People seem to forget that without the money you loan to them, they wouldn’t be where they are now. And what so difficult about returning money? In the first place, I reckon if you have to borrow money, you should first figure out why you’re in that state itself.
It happens all the time. Money issues between friends and relatives.. Tsk.
Mei, maybe you should sms B and bug him for it although you may sound like a beggar.. But then again it’s your money and B borrowed it from you. B is responsible for paying back your money and there is no such thing as delaying it for another month or so.
Something similar to this happened to me once. I loaned my friend my MP3 pendrive a year ago because she didn’t have one and needed it to save her assignments. So out of kindness I lend it to her and she used it for a few months. And then one day she came up to me and said “I misplaced your pendrive and I don’t know where is it. Will pay you back your RM300.” Guess what? Till now she didn’t even pay me back.
People.. Tsk..
But I hope that you will get your money back soon though.
Ahh yes the begger feeling…how I resolve it.. two ways…treat the money is GOODWILL (if it’s like 10-20 bucks)…or be frank about it (if it’s like more than 50 bucks)
best thing is don’t lend and don’t borrow either..if you need to borrow for some reason, make sure the person is a TRUSTED friend…
I loaned money to a family member supposdly for roof and emergency house repairs. At last go, they cant pay me back as the family just went on a cruise to the caribbean!!!!! meantime, I have to go hunt for money to pay my bills .Dont think, I will ever see my money again but it irks me that these people ” who have no money” can afford fancy vacations every year ( which they claim is a necessity for their mental health) while i have to watch every penny .
i can tell u that lending money to family is WORST n i totally agree with romantic. imagine this : pinjam $$ to own flesh n blood, then when put on a muka tebal to go n ask back for it, you get a ‘where i got money to pay you back??’ then some more can come to the house in NEW. kembara. wahlau ehh…..real ci..errhhbmm, i mean real heartache wei….really. pity my mum only.
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Kyels: You should ask for it back (I hate people who take stuff and don’t return them – with books, cds, things like that) – I mean you aren’t working and if that pendrive was a gift from someone, all the more reason to get it back.
Centerpide: The thing is this I know B quite well and I do trust B. I have given him/her loads of advice on how to stabilizer him/herself financially and still it falls onto deaf ears. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t say that he/she isn’t trustworthy.
My beef is that I don’t see any real indication of her wanting to return the money in the first place. I did mention that 25% is nothing…and that I didn’t mind B paying me back in installments but come on, after two months and still no word? That’s a bit too much.
It’s like I give one inch and he/she takes a foot.
Rom: My parents once loaned some cash to a relative coz they needed some money to start off their business. My dad was very patient. When their business flourish, Dad thought it would be good to get it back. All he got were excuses about how they were trying to make ends meet and etc.
It took him AGES before he could get the money back. What he couldn’t understand was how can they give him excuses like that and still spend so much on luxury items for their kids.
MofM: HUH????
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