This is actually long overdue since I heard the discussion going on over Light & Easy‘s Breakfast Hour about two to three days ago. A lady had sent an email to Simon & Caroline detailing a first date encounter. The gist of her ‘problem’ was this:
I had done my nails and hair…everything and was looking forward to a first date with him. He came on time, rung the doorbell and when I opened the door, gave me flowers with the words “Something sweet for a sweet person”. Mind you, they were not the kind you get from the florist. He says he has a surprise for me and proceeds to drive me over to his place where the surprise was. It turned out that he had cooked a meal and that was our date. I was disappointed. I was expecting so much more and I feel that he should have put in more effort seeing that I was all dolled up. Is it wrong to expect more from a man on the first date?
Frankly, all I could remember at that time was laughing. Simply because I felt that she was expecting too much from the poor guy and going all out only to be disappointed. I am not serial dater but I have enough of experience to know that first dates can be very nerve-wreaking for some individuals out there – especially since women have this notion that men should go out all to impress the girl the first time they meet otherwise he’s a dud. Men, on the other hand, have this notion that if they are seen as a dud, that’s it. No more dates. No girl. No anything. Hopeless would be the key word. So many rules and expectations that it takes away the fun. I suspect the poor girl didn’t have much fun at all – she probably wanted to be seen in public with her new do and stuffs BUT the guy in question just wanted to spend some quiet time with the girl one-on-one to get to know her better.
If anything, this are some of the things that I would expect from a man on the first date:
- Courteous (opening doors, offering to pay, am patient, polite, friendly…)
- Humble (NEVER ever just talk about yourself – the word ‘me’ all the time is not nice!)
- Considerate (I would like to talk about me too…)
- Presentable (neat hair, clean shaven, well-dressed – even in jeans and shirt)
- Intelligent (an empty head is of no use to me)
- Confident (don’t get upset just because I have a better paycheck and/or education)
- Humour (laughter is good for the soul, y’know…)
Do you think she was wrong and he was right?
I thought the guy in question did quite alright for himself. It takes a lot of effort putting together a meal and bringing flowers on a first date – that would have impressed me, frankly speaking. I know of many men who don’t even bother to bring flowers much or less a home cooked meal on the first date (or in the entire relationship). I know. There is the old saying “first impression counts” but then again, there is the one that says “never judge the book by its cover”. But would you prefer to have a well-dressed date who buys you RM100 roses and stuff but is rude, obnoxious or self-opinionated? OR a polite, soft-spoken guy who brings you cheap flowers and a home-cooked meal? What matters to me is more how he holds himself as a person throughout the date. That makes a far better impression than flowers or anything else.
For me, first dates should always be casual and presentable and not where you go for a hairdo, manicure, facial and dress to the nines. It should always be for getting to know people better, having lots of laughs and not for you to worry if you’ve got veggie stuck to your teeth OR that you’re going to get sauce on your dress/shirt/skirt/pants.
What did you do on your first date(s)?
Me? I mostly meet my dates at Coffee Bean for either a drink or lunch/dinner (except for Nil – we met at Pasar Seni LRT station). I would drive myself there, order my favourite drink, of course meet up with my date, and chat the night away. I never did up my hair, hardly wore make-up then and manicure? Non-existent. I did dress presentably – casual attire (means jeans and tank top). That was it. I was there to have fun and get to know someone not marry them on the spot. A few of them offered to pay for my drink (which I politely declined – wait till you’re in a relationship with me, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to pay then…*evil laugh*), one bought a rose for me (but actually fourteen just so he could get the perfect rose) and the rest opened doors, were very polite and utter gentlemen.
And what about after the first date?
LOL. Yes, there is that age-old question. Will he ever call me back? Well, if he doesn’t, would you cry buckets of tears? I would hardly think so. Maybe he is busy, or maybe he just ain’t interested.
Whatever it is, no phone call doesn’t mean that it ends there. Remember, people you used to go out on dates are people you got to know…so keep in touch with them as friends – close or otherwise. It never hurts to have more friends. If it has just been a day since your date with Mr Right, honey, you need to pour a bucket of ice on yourself. COOL DOWN and give the guy some time. It is not easy picking up that phone to call a girl, y’know and being men, there is more pressure on them than on you. So chill. If you’re that gung-ho about this guy, why don’t YOU call him? It’s a women’s world out there as well.
Now if you happen to be a guy and reading this, just remember – “thy honour is their word”. If you promised to SMS or call, do so…even if you are not interested in dating that girl. Stay as friends, go out as friends and leave it at that.
First dates are for having fun…even though seeking a lifelong partner is a serious matter.