For love alone…

A while back I made a comment on The Hustler Diaries about one of his entries on – what a surprise – Mat Sallehs. And hear ye, hear ye…I had a reply to it – not from Hustler himself but from his reader.

Scarfer – You are biased! Why? Because you have a qweilo bf! I read your blog, you know! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself – you are an asian woman too rite? – Asian Gal

And it compelled me to make a statement.

Make no mistake about it. I find Hustler’s entries to be amusing but fear that it may come across as bigotry and racist in some manners to other readers who are not of the same race or line of thinking as he is. I believe that he means well. He means to inject humour into many things that we take for granted…but reality dictates that there are and will be some people out there who think otherwise. And thus, I made my comment – expressing my neutral position (in the words “It’s funny yet it’s not funny. It’s candid yet it is bigotry at work. Just goes to show that some things never do change here.”)

I took no sides and yet I cannot help but wonder how people see the “bias” in my comment. And I see no reason as to why I should be ashamed of my boyfriend and my relationship.

So yes. My boyfriend is a Mat Salleh. He has Caucasian blood flowing through his veins, he looks like a Mat Salleh and his family are Caucasian as well. He speaks French. He likes wine, sushi and other assortment of Asian foods. His size (physically and I’m not talking about his dick) is big and cuddly – reminds me of a teddy bear – and he holds a white-collar job and travels. As I speak, he is in Hong Kong with one of his friends.

And you know what? We have a lot in common with each other despite our racial and ethnic differences. We both love good food and good wine. We both hold white-collar jobs and are highly educated people. We both love reading. We enjoy listening to different sorts of music. We appreciate the arts. We share a passion for travelling, intellectual talk and experiencing life to the fullest. We are of the same species and our blood is the same colour, density and fluidity.

I love him not because of his skin colour or how much money he has in his bank account. I love him not because he is from another country and he has the words “expat” written all over him.

I love him because he is a wonderful, confident man who puts in effort in making our relationship work and more than anything, he loves me for who I am – aggresive, highly intelligent and outgoing – qualities which my ex-boyfriends found too much to handle. Hell, even my parents LOVE him!!!!

And what a coincedence it turned out to be that my ex-boyfriends are all Asians and insecure about who they are. What a coincedence that they turned out to be passive even though educated. What a coincedence that they turned out to be petty and macho at the same time. Qualities that *I* could not accept.

They wanted someone submissive. I wanted to be accepted as a partner and an equal in my own way.

NG saw me as that. My ex-boyfriends didn’t.

If you were me…if you lived my life…which would you chose?

I am Asian. But I am not stupid. I am never ever going to settle for second best just because some people out there think that we should be a homogenous society. I am never ever going to settle for second best just because some people out there think that white folks think that they are superior than us. I am never ever going to settle for second best just because some folks out there think that it is the proper thing to do – settle for a Chinese guy who treats me like dirt.

I don’t spend my entire lifetime on the lookout for white boyfriends. I never did. Frankly, NG was a surprise gift from God to me. All my life, I had wanted to marry someone of my own race or at least of one of the races familiar to M’sian eyes – because it felt like the right thing, the appropriate thing – and it made my life a living hell. My exs were all insecure. They emotionally abused me. They verbally abused me. Not only did they do all that, they did that to my parents. After my last ex, I told myself that I was never going to settle for something just because it “looked” right to some people. And I stopped looking for ANYONE.

It was then NG came along.

All this talk about which is superior, about which race is inferior…frankly it is saddening. Because at the end of the day, we are the same – blood, personality, characteristics, destiny. At the end of the day, we are all going to die and become like the dust of the Earth. Why spent all that energy and time arguing about who is better? Who deserves jobs? Who deserves to live? The last time someone did that, millions of innocent people die (and the country torn down – Germany was the centre of culture back in its heyday until WWII). And for what? To feed a madman’s dreams of “pure blood” in his nation.

There are good Indian, Chinese and Malay men – just as there are good white and black men. There are bad Indian, Chinese and Malay men – just as there are bad white and black men. Everywhere you go, you find good and bad people irrespective of race.

Come to think of it…there is a theory circulating about how there is no such thing as pure blood. About how Caucasian skeletons were found in Asian places like Mongolia. About how our history leads to a mixture of bloods. I myself – while being Asian – am not a pure Chinese. Somewhere along the line, my ancestors married Malays…and before that, who knows?

Bottomline is this: I don’t believe in racial discrimination. I don’t believe in the idea that a human characteristic is only reflected in ONE race. I don’t believe that we should judge others based on the few that we have encountered (or even none but based on what we read or hear). And finally, I don’t believe that love should be based on skin colour.

To Asian Gal,

You have every right to think the way you do. That I cannot stop you. But I pity you. For being unable to see beyond your own insecurities. For being unable to be open-minded. For being unable to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you. For failing to understand that we humans are essentially the same. For failing to see that love knows no boundaries. For failing to realize that we Asian women deserve more than what is handed to us.

Know this: You may have met or even heard of women who date white men for money. For fame. For popularity. For showing off.

I am not one of them. And I’ll never be one of them.

I am in this relationship for love alone.

And I see no reason as to why I should be ashamed of that love.

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